I only work tomorrow. Then i have six days off whoop whoop.
But in that time i worry about my son’s cancer check up how his father and i will get along and if he’ll need another surgery.
I’m also worried about money. The lack there of and how i like to spend regardless.
Lastly, i agreed to go to a family reunion with my boyfriend. I know i don’t talk about him a lot but i do love him. We are just taking things slow as last time i jumped right in and was miserable. Good on me for trying to learn from my past. 😁 anyway i got invited to a family reunion and well that means peopling with strangers. Sigh. It’ll all work or I’m sure still it’s a worry.
I feel confident it’ll all work out buuuut that ten percent for error is there and is overriding my feelings of security. Gotta love life.
Are my worries getting the best of me? I don’t think so but they are weighing on me. Right now I don’t have a lot to do at work so I have plenty of time to think. I’m fearful of failing. It is consuming me like a slow burn. It’s silly as I’ve done this before and was ok at it. Maybe better then I give myself credit as they hired me back. I will not fail. I got this!
Anxiety has a hold on me today. I’ve got so many worries I can’t think straight. I’m trying to use prayer and keep it in God’s hands but I’m failing miserably. I could use some positive mojo or prayers please.
Change is not good when you have an adjustment disorder and bipolar. But here I am again.
I have been trying to fall asleep for an hour and a half which is rare for me. I have a lot of worries going through my brain.
- Going back to my new old job
- A trip I’m suppose to make in March
- My son is going to a large city three hours away to a concert he told me this Wednesday
- Feeling lonely
- My hair falling out
- Waiting on income taxes back
I think that’s the main list. I even took my klonopin which usually helps me to drift off. I just don’t know what else to do. I suppose I will fall asleep eventually. I feel for people that deal with this every night.
I have insurance again so I have an appt Monday with pdoc. I’m praying she lets me keep my klonopin. I’m fat from addicted to it and I truly use it as needed. With going back to a more stressful job I will benefit from it. I am just worried as she had mentioned getting me off it before. And I hate sounding like a drug seeker which I feel a lot of doctors think people are nowadays. I know if I can’t have it … I will be fine but it’s still bullshit I am sitting here worrying about it. Grrr so I guess the picture up there is wrong. My meds don’t stop me from caring. Though I remember the days it was like that. I’d rather have the anxiety then be a zombie. Still why can’t their be a happy medium?