worries

Worries

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I only work tomorrow. Then i have six days off whoop whoop.

But in that time i worry about my son’s cancer check up how his father and i will get along and if he’ll need another surgery.

I’m also worried about money. The lack there of and how i like to spend regardless.

Lastly, i agreed to go to a family reunion with my boyfriend. I know i don’t talk about him a lot but i do love him. We are just taking things slow as last time i jumped right in and was miserable. Good on me for trying to learn from my past. 😁 anyway i got invited to a family reunion and well that means peopling with strangers. Sigh. It’ll all work or I’m sure still it’s a worry.

I feel confident it’ll all work out buuuut that ten percent for error is there and is overriding my feelings of security. Gotta love life.

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Plagued

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Are my worries getting the best of me? I don’t think so but they are weighing on me. Right now I don’t have a lot to do at work so I have plenty of time to think. I’m fearful of failing. It is consuming me like a slow burn. It’s silly as I’ve done this before and was ok at it. Maybe better then I give myself credit as they hired me back. I will not fail. I got this!

Freaking out a little

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Anxiety has a hold on me today. I’ve got so many worries I can’t think straight. I’m trying to use prayer and keep it in God’s hands but I’m failing miserably. I could use some positive mojo or prayers please.

Change is not good when you have an adjustment disorder and bipolar. But here I am again.

Can’t sleep

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I have been trying to fall asleep for an hour and a half which is rare for me. I have a lot of worries going through my brain.

  • Going back to my new old job
  • A trip I’m suppose to make in March
  • My son is going to a large city three hours away to a concert he told me this Wednesday
  • Feeling lonely
  • My hair falling out
  • Waiting on income taxes back

I think that’s the main list. I even took my klonopin which usually helps me to drift off. I just don’t know what else to do. I suppose I will fall asleep eventually. I feel for people that deal with this every night.

Medicine

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I have insurance again so I have an appt Monday with pdoc. I’m praying she lets me keep my klonopin. I’m fat from addicted to it and I truly use it as needed. With going back to a more stressful job I will benefit from it. I am just worried as she had mentioned getting me off it before. And I hate sounding like a drug seeker which I feel a lot of doctors think people are nowadays. I know if I can’t have it … I will be fine but it’s still bullshit I am sitting here worrying about it. Grrr so I guess the picture up there is wrong. My meds don’t stop me from caring. Though I remember the days it was like that. I’d rather have the anxiety then be a zombie. Still why can’t their be a happy medium?