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Rambling

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I had a melt down at work. I actually cried. My boss was supportive but no real solutions on lessening my work load.

I need a way to learn to separate work thoughts from off work thoughts. They are so intermingled.

My son is having difficulty with friends at school. I want to fix it but can’t. He’s a great kid though a little odd. He just doesn’t fit in anywhere. I know he’s depressed but I don’t think meds or therapy will help. I don’t think it’s too that point. But of course it makes me feel bad and worry.

It’s my day off from work so my mood is ok. Just can’t shut my brain off. I tried online counseling again I got a free week through a different company and this counselor had been very ineffective. I think online just isn’t for me. I told him I feel like nothing and needed to talk to someone. He said use my coping skills but never asked me what those skills might be. Sigh.

On a side note I got a message from WordPress been on here six years. I think four had been this blogs identity. I had an anonymous one before that I deleted. But man does time fly.

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That’s right

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Another day of not getting enough done. I just can’t freaking concentrate or care.

I did some more research on ECT it’s essentially brain trauma and though I want to be better it scares me so that’s out.

I forgot I had an appointment with a holistic nurse Wednesday. I’ve had the appt for months. They called to remind me. I’m hopeful but not to hopeful. I doubt they get too many mental health cases but I could be wrong.

I’ve been thinking of my word of the year for next year. I’ve got a couple in mind. We shall see which one wins lol.

Anyway I hope all of you are doing well and as always I appreciate you.

Why today

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I’m anxious today. Why today I’m not sure. I was suppose to have a long meeting but it got cancelled. I’m forced to actually work which is a good thing really. Despite being tired I’m fairly productive. Go me. Today overall just sucks. No real reason other then the usual. My new mantra is God help me. Here’s to hoping he’ll see me through.

Panic

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My day started with a mini panic attack. Then a work conversation solidified it. I took my medication because i needed to calm down. I just need to get through this day… Week to thanksgiving and four days off. It’s rainy and dreary here which doesn’t help.

I’m proud of myself I’m plugging away and not full heartedly trying to leave work early. Just a wish which i think is normal for my line of stressful work.

What will tomorrow bring

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Man my three days off went fast. I swear i wish the work week did as well. I have a busy work well with meetings galore. But i will persevere. 😄 i switched from my iPhone back to android just totally on a side note wish i could have a hybrid of the two but i needed a bigger screen. I’m not feeling very anxious so that’s good but i did feel anger and annoyance today. Having emotions is good though right? Anyway just some random thoughts before bed. I am hoping to get up early to stay doing my makeup again. I feel i need to for my mental health. Wish me luck. 🍀

Life update 11-1-17

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I decided to keep my job though I hate it. I need it as it would have been too much of a pay cut plus I was fearful working that closely with others whose mental health isn’t the best would trigger me. There just isn’t enough hours in the day that I care to spend catching up on things as work.

The negative talk is loud today. How wonderful it was having that time off. I am doing my best to quite the negative but it’s a struggle. I just don’t like myself today.

I’m not sure my therapist is a good fit. I asked him to dig deep and he’s only staying on the surface. His suggestions are the usual… Meditate and take walks. I just feel like I go in there and whine for no reason. Why can I not find a therapist that works for me? 

I am going to participate in November national novel writing month or nonanowri. I have an idea. I’m hoping to follow through. 

I guess that’s it. Share a life update if you want. I’d love to hear it.

Life update 11-1-17

Posted on

I decided to keep my job though I hate it. I need it as it would have been too much of a pay cut plus I was fearful working that closely with others whose mental health isn’t the best would trigger me. There just isn’t enough hours in the day that I care to spend catching up on things as work.

The negative talk is loud today. How wonderful it was having that time off. I am doing my best to quite the negative but it’s a struggle. I just don’t like myself today.

I’m not sure my therapist is a good fit. I asked him to dig deep and he’s only staying on the surface. His suggestions are the usual… Meditate and take walks. I just feel like I go in there and whine for no reason. Why can I not find a therapist that works for me? 

I am going to participate in November national novel writing month or nonanowri. I have an idea. I’m hoping to follow through. 

I guess that’s it. Share a life update if you want. I’d love to hear it.