Making a living

This week at work has been a roller coaster. I past my six month probation period so yay. I’m getting more comfortable in it since i let go of the dislike for it. I am learning we do the best we can and that’s all a person can do. Let the rest fall into place.

Hi anxiety my old frenemy

So today the anxiety is back. Work related and money related. I am trying not to take any medicine for it and breath work through it. I have a work ethical dilemma and no matter how i play it out it’s a lose lose situation. I just want people to do their jobs and not

Clarification

I wanted to clarify that the blogger who i referenced did not suggest i was a victim. It was me wondering if i have that mentality. I think it led to great introspection on my part. In other news, i just hate life right now. Mainly work. I know i go on about it a

It’s a bad week not a bad life

This week at work has sucked. I hate feeling incompetent. Thankfully im off at 2 today and tomorrow i have off in general. I need to give myself grace to be a human. Im flawed and that is ok. And not because of the bipolar. It’s just an added spice in life. Lol

Do you feel this way too?

This right here explains me wonderfully. It’s nice to know someone else feels it too. I mean really lazy perfectionist is totally me. Though I’ve noticed I’ve felt less of a need to be perfect so I’m not sure if it’s a fluke or real change. Kinda sad i don’t believe in myself really. This

Telling co workers

I have a co worker who asks if I’m feeling ok. It’s probably because i look ill having to stop panic attacks in group meetings. My old group of co workers knew about the bipolar since i went mia while in the psych hospital. Plus the meds turning me into a zombie before that. I

Mood dipping

I wish mood dipping was as much fun as skinny dipping. I’ve only done that once and it was in a farm pond in my late teens. Life was easier then yet i took it for granted. Anyway i don’t need to think of that and sway my mood more down hill. I do think

Just one day

I had my first unit meeting and it sucks coming in to strangers. Wanting to get along with all the people yet not knowing the political climate. I feel i was pretty confident and did ok but still something’s are running through my head. I now sit here with nothing really to do for an

Goliath versus David

I feel like this supervisor position is a goliath in my head. I have so many worries and fears about it. I have to believe i am David and will overcome that obstacle and be a great leader. I think it’s a combination of perfectionism and imposter syndrome. I am not going to go on

Welp

I got the job. I’m excited and nervous. I’m ready to know what I’m doing and what to do to complete it. Im ready to get my assertiveness on and have fun in a high stress career 😃 yes it can be possible. Just got to get through the next couple of weeks.