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I did this thing and on feeling incompetent

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I actually got up early and exercised and put makeup on. I’m not even that tired so go me. I plan on making it a habit.

Now for the incompetent part… this job had a way of making me feel incompetent. It always hits me all at once. And yet a part of me doesn’t care. Is that a good thing or how people should feel when made to be incompetent? I just don’t know anymore.

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Heated

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I am heated over something at work and how I’m treated. When do you decide the drama is worth it? When do you find the courage to stick up for yourself? When do you stop being agreeable and scared of conflict? I know this is vague but essentially what I was promised isn’t happening and my mental health was used against me. What the hell! 😕

Worries

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I have a lot of worries right now. I am worrying where I went wrong with my second interview and they said they wanted me.

I wish I had the ball’s to stand up and ask more questions. But I meekly take it and go with the flow only to internalize it all.

I worry them doing my background will jeopardize my promotion. If I should have a talk with my circuit manager reassuring her it was a lapse in judgment and I’m committed to my job. Or just wait and see what happens. See if it gets ignored. Ugh what a mess.

I do think it’s a blessing in disguise not getting that job but what a waste of time and gas money.

I need to work on confidence. Self worth and such. Hell I need to work on so much it’s exhausting.

Burning bridges

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I’m about to burn a bridge with my current employer. I feel mixed about it. I just want my two weeks notice over as I’m 99% sure I’m getting that job.

I’ve also called a discrimination lawyer as it doesn’t sit well how I was treated. I’m waiting to hear back.

I ultimately feel my mental health getting better. I feel good about my choice and we will see what the future holds.

Still it weighs heavy on my mind burning that bridge.

Second interview

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I got a call back for a second interview already. Please send prayers and positive light I know what to do for myself and my family.

Ugh

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I was having a great day until a moment ago. I just feel I suck at work and life. I worry too much about what others think or getting in trouble. I just need to focus on the good and take into advisement the bad but not make it a reason to bring myself down. I love myself today and need to be kind. It is what it is.

It’s already started

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My work has been on my mind all weekend. It started Friday night with some texts and now again. I have to forego a training to deal with something immediate tomorrow. I laid down to sleep a little and can’t. I tell myself I made this choice to go back. I’m capable damn it. Then why can’t I let go of it?

I feel like this meme because I had hoped for a particular result and got something different knowing I’d get the different. I am pretty sure I do this often. Right now it makes me want to laugh. Is that weird?