Today I wish I was back in the safe walls of the psych hospital. I feel overwhelmed at work and home. I don’t feel depressed or suicidal. It’s just to be disconnected to the world and get to work on me and try and make me a better person. I know it’s totally selfish but I had no worries. It was awesome.
I’m thankful I’m in a better place then last year even though last week or two has been mentally rough this week has been better. I wonder if I wasn’t in a mixed state last week. Maybe it’s because I have hope with my potential job promotion interviews… Working on getting out of my comfort zone. Who knows 😀
Also one of my dearest friends and I talked today this ended up being my fortune at Chinese lunch today it was very fitting.
Today started out melancholy but it’s ended with me in good spirits. I like that. I’m enjoying some music and relaxing. I’ve decided to take a chance on me and I’m happy with that. Thank you all for being supportive.
I am on the fence about a work choice so if I could get clarity prayers/positive vibes I’d really appreciate it.
It’s time to share some random facts about me for my new and older readers. I’m going to give five.
- I just got an iPhone. The screen is smaller then I had with my android by a lot from 6 to 4.7 but I like it. Any apps I totally need?
- My new favorite singer is halsey. It could be partially because she’s bipolar as well.
- Tomorrow I find out some changes at work. I’m anxious about it but at the same time I feel like I have no power so why be anxious.
- Friday the ex was served divorce patties so thirty days I should be divorced.
- I am actually despite my mental health state actually enjoying the summer. Something I haven’t in a long time.
What are five things about you…you’d like to share?
I had a particularly stressful day yesterday at work. I work in the foster care system. It’s so heartbreaking. I have a position that in the scheme of things is pretty stress free for the system. Anyway I can’t let the heartbreak go and the worry of the children weigh heavy on my mind. I’ve tried breathing exercising. When medication. I need some self care but I’m not good at it. My heart is just heavy and I can’t break free.
I’m waiting on the nurse to get my release paperwork back to work in order. I’m suppose to be on call this weekend but I really need the break. Hell I just got out of the hospital. My work doesn’t seem to care so why should I care back right? I’m sitting here worried I’ll be released today because the doctor won’t understand my needs. I’m trying to use my coping skills of positive thinking and mindfulness to stay stable. It’s actually kinda working. Plus writing to you guys usually helps as well. Is it sad I’d rather still be at the hospital? I feel guilty to feel that way but I had no worries but to take care of myself. It was ok to be selfish. I had structure and hope. I still have hope but the answers aren’t so concrete. I’m just not sure what to do career wise etc. I wish I had clarity but my fear is getting in the way I think. Fear of the unknown and what is the right thing to do.
I’ve hit a brick wall metaphorically at work today. I can’t type another thing. I have four more days of being on call this week. I’m praying it goes well. I’m already ready for the weekend. I’m more calm today which is nice but I still need to work on not letting everything get me anxious or down.