This last week ended up being super crap filled. Here’s the run down in brief…
- My therapist made me think he cared then didn’t
- My ex put in parenting plan he only wants one weekend a month… Who asks for less time?
- Work in general is stressful
- Friday night the work stress went into overdrive and spilled into today still unable to not obsess over it
- My seventeen year old is struggling with life right now in little but dramatic if possible ways
- Oh and my car just went kaput
But I realized I’ve survived it all. I’m here to think and breath to love and just live. And that’s a good thing.
So after pouring my heart and soul into therapy… My therapist tells me he’s moving to a practice area another forty five minutes from me. Starting February… I didn’t have the fortitude to ask then why did you bother calling me but now I’m thinking it was to tell me he was moving his practice but he got my vm instead. Really a letter would have sufficed.
I CAN’T FUCKING WIN! What is it with me and therapy? Like for real? I just want help.
I’m ready for the weekend. I have a few things planned. Just got to get through today. My mood is weird I’m in a good mood but stressed. So there is a line of tension. I went home early yesterday and slept all day. I think my body needed it.
The ex finally got a lawyer and is contesting some divorce things. This is not helping my stress levels. I’m scared it’ll be a battle and to think I was nice and generous I felt. But then again in his best interest I guess to have his own…though I’m not sure what there is to contest it was the usual with these things. Grrr.
I’ve been spending money like crazy I need to get back on track. It just brings me some relief like food does. If I get the transfer I’ll need to find a therapist in my work area. Maybe I can get in before September. Let’s hope.
I requested my money back and instead of trying to keep me as a client with a discount and new therapist they straight refunded my money per an email. I hope it’s true without hassle. Very disappointed. What is wrong with me that I can’t find a therapist that works out? Also I think it’s sad they didn’t try to keep me but am thankful they are refunding me.
This therapy online isn’t going as I thought. He’s only checked in three times in four days. I thought I paid for more check ins. I’m really confused and it’s not helping plus I went on a limb affording it. I said something so I guess I’ll wait for a reply on what he says. Plus customer service hasn’t gotten back to me either. I just have the worst luck with therapy.
So I signed up for online therapy. I need something to bridge the gap until September and maybe having someone there daily will be worth it. I’m waiting to be matched up. I feel like the last kid being picked for scooter soccer in elementary school. I guess it takes awhile to find matches. I’m ready to start spoiling my guts. So I’m super anxious. Can you tell lol
I don’t know why I’m having a hard time finding a therapist. Yesterday (since it’s two am) I had an appt. I was so anxious for it I almost cancelled but didn’t want that cancellation fee out of pocket. Anyway I felt the judgment from him that I’m seeing someone and I’m not even divorced. He said I need to role model for my kids and my ex could use it against me in the divorce. This made me feel like a horrible parent and paranoid. The thing is my ex told my boys about my friend. I felt it was adult business but he went there so they are curious to meet him. It’s difficult to know when is best for these things. This relationship is more then a fling. He is quickly becoming a best friend. Something I never had before.
Anyway then it turned even darker with at least fifteen minutes of how I need to eat healthier and exercise. That I can give any excuse in the world I just need to do it. I was like first wtf second let’s figure out why food is comfort to me. Let’s dig deep and have an ah ha moment. But no instead it was he does it so I should too!
I don’t know what to do I can’t keep going through therapists. I’m running out of options in my small town. But I need someone who will dig deep and at the very least not mention a word about themselves!