More dreams wth

I kept dreaming last night i was not allowed to leave the psych hospital.  I was being treated well but i couldn’t figure out why others got to leave when i was “being a good girl” it was bizarre.  Then i was able to get out and i went to a store that sold second

Im struggling

I don’t have time or energy to break down right now but I’m feeling low with dark thoughts. I don’t know if it’s the uncertainty of our government or the isolation. Though it’s not like i had a life. I just want to hug someone and lay in bed and have my hair petted. I

Happy new year

My word of the year is embrace. I want to embrace life and even embrace the suck. To work through it and grow stronger mentally. With that being said… I’m majorly struggling right now. So much so im in physical pain in my chest to my soul. I know it’s a moment in time and

Not in a good spot

I’m not mentally in a good spot right now. I’m feeling like there isn’t a point and things will never get better. I’ll always be messed up in the head. I keep telling myself it’ll pass. It’s just a down moment in time but it almost physically hurts.

Triggered

** edited to add I am doing much better I got A hold of a friend and using distraction techniques thank you all who responded. It is appreciated. What do you do when your having thoughts with no plan but they are so loud you can’t ignore them? I tried contacted people but everyone has

Sharing a couple of things

I made this art piece for my parents yesterday It was a simple piece but I like it. Also here is a picture of me and parents when I was about six I wish I was that little again. Life was similar. Now I’m older and today I feel broken. Or maybe more so defeated.

same old same old

Nothing new or positive to report. I’m thinking of going for triage Thursday for my suicidal thoughts. We shall see what Thursday brings.

struggling

I’m struggling this morning with anxiety and suicidal ideation. I know it’s this work stress. I know I don’t really want to die but yet I’m having the thoughts. I don’t have a plan but I feel like I could make one easy. I’m trapped in my own minds hell. I know this will pass

Clarity

I need clarity. Yesterday the Dr called about my son. They have decided to do nothing about his tumor. It’s so frustrating because I really felt the gamma knife radio surgery would be a good fit. The neurosurgeon doesn’t want him exposed to radiation. So why send us to the oncologist then? People at work

Being swallowed alive

I feel like I am being swallowed alive by my despair. I can’t see anything but darkness. I’m trying positive self talk but I feel the pull of dying tugging at my hurting heart. I’ve called my pdoc and am waiting on a call back. I’m trying to ask for help before I do something