Toxic

Today is a bonus day off work. I’ve managed to accomplish some housework. Now I’m sitting here trying to remember who i use to be. The good and the bad. I think of my marriage and the damage i did to my children staying so long. He once told me he never really loved me

Good heart

This is so true today. I’m full of worry that I’m not good enough. I received a comment last week that I’m too hard on myself and it’s true. The thing is I try to be kind but some moments I just don’t know what that looks like. How do you start being realistic in

My prayer for you

I struggle even on my good days with self worth but we all do deserve more.

Today is better

Today is better but I long for days where I am confident and free of indecisiveness. I’m going to work hard to get there.

Things I like about myself

I’m feeling very sorry for myself right now and I saw another blogger write about things they like about themselves. So I’m going to try it and see if it helps. I work hard. I’m a good mother. I’m empathetic. I care about this community. I have good intentions. I want to do good in

Eating brains

This is where I’m at today. I keep replaying the weekend in my mind. It’s like I’m trying to torment myself. Another day I might have no brains left 🙂 my therapist told me about this mindfulness acronym by Tara brach Rain Recognize what’s going on…. I am fearful of getting into trouble at work

When the mind revolts

As I said yesterday I am reading Eckhart Tolle’s book A New Earth. I am into chapter two and my mind is revolting. The core of me wants to read more and become enlightened. Then there is a part of me that wants to not read it. Not sure which is winning. The fact I

Depressed and Angry or Hypomania and Angry?

Starting yesterday I felt a switch in my brain. Depression. I am filled with hatred at the world and everything in it…. including myself. It is confusing as hypo mania shows as anger as well. I am trying to have mindfulness of knowing which side of the pendelum I am on. I do think it

I am thirty six

And I am more emotionally fucked up then I was a twenty six or hell even sixteen. Are we suppose to get better with age. Like wine right? I just completely deleted a blog I maintained for over a year as it was going nowhere in helping me improve and I was hoping it would.