Today is a different day

Im filled with doubt and looping of negative thoughts today. Im of work to spring clean to refinance my mortgage. Well my parents own the mortgage and they’ve decided to refinance it. I think it’s a ploy to get the house organized but i can’t prove it. I see all the things I’ve purchased forContinue reading “Today is a different day”

go back in time

I wouldn’t reset my whole life just what I chose as my career path and moving to where we live. I know being a social worker is a good career path but I think it exacerbates my mental health issues. Plus where I live is pretty isolating and that doesn’t help. Is there anything youContinue reading “go back in time”

Let it go

I’m struggling again today. This time it’s with my looping thoughts about the past. Silly things that don’t matter anymore. I know I need to clean my house but I can’t find the gumption. I should just put some music on and keep busy. Instead I’m outside looping and vaping. Why does the past hauntContinue reading “Let it go”

Melancholy

This was the view of the sunset from my backyard last night. It was finally a low humidity night. I’m feeling melancholy. These days off make me long for the the freedom of when I was laid off from Citigroup after the mortgage industry crashed. I was a hundred pounds lighter, a millions pounds ofContinue reading “Melancholy”

Depression

  I am fighting off a major bout of depression. I have increasing sensations and thoughts of my usual coping mechanism and it makes it hard to hide it too often. I feel lonely and hopeless and stuck in this rut of mediocrity I do not want to be part of. I know I amContinue reading “Depression”

Sadly thus us how I feel about…

Some of my family right now. Even as a social worker, I am not immune to family drama and hatefulness. it makes me happy I’m am only child but more invested as once my parents and grandma die its just me and my kids. I yelled at my 86 year old grandma today because sheContinue reading “Sadly thus us how I feel about…”

Happy New Year!

OMG I have already acted a fool into the New Year, Why is it the older we get the more we sober up and become embarrassed by our fragmented memories of the night? I am not sure it is made better by it being sadly just my parents and children. I think I am botheredContinue reading “Happy New Year!”

Haunted dreams

I made this Instagram Textgram a it is weighing heavy on my mind. I just can’t shake the realness of the dream and the disappointment it was a dream. It just reminded me if past regretfully decisions and how one it is made you can’t go back. Choices made at 20 will haunt once inContinue reading “Haunted dreams”

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my life, my thoughts, my ideas, my journey