I had a couple comments on my last post that made sense. Especially the one that after three years in a relationship to start playing head games where there really hasn’t been is unlikely. It makes me feel better and I’ve got to trust it wasn’t some weird head game. So on with life iContinue reading “Limbo”
Just maybe my bodies way of handling depression is less sleep yet less motivation. I look around my house and i just don’t care. Yet i do what i need to do at work and so i don’t think my give a damn is broke. Today i am anxious yet happy. I got my newContinue reading “Just maybe”
Welp. I’ve created a mess and my anxiety is through the roof. Did i have good intentions to begin with or was this the path i knew would follow? Have i not learned anything over the course of life? Recovery is difficult. Will i ever get there fully? My new job training says it’s notContinue reading “The anxiety i created”
Right now I’m in a good place. It feels weird. Yet I like it. Recovery might just be possible.
I realize I had to hit rock bottom of hatred for myself to pull myself up and learn to love myself. Probably sounds silly but I think very truthful. I can’t say I love myself right now but I do like myself and I couldn’t say that in years. I also see how important myContinue reading “recovery”
I’m at war with myself. I feel stable on the surface but there is an edge like something is around the corner. Something dark. Why can’t us with mental illness just enjoy life? Why does everything have a dark cloud? This is why recovery seems so hard and impossible. I can’t just take things atContinue reading “War”
Well here’s another post to say I am not sure if I feel numb or if this is how life feels like without anxiety/hypo mania/depression. I wish I could spend a week in a non mental illness diagnosed mind just to gauge the difference. I’m not asking to be cured just a point of reference.Continue reading “Numb or normal”
I have hope I’ll be happy again. Slowly as I find the right medication and through my therapist I’ll find myself. Recovery is possible. At least for today I have hope.
I think I’ve figured out where I am going wrong in my thought processes. I want a cure for my borderline personality disorder and bipolar. It doesn’t exist. No pill and no therapy will take it away. But I want it so bad. I don’t know what recovery means or looks like. I’m not evenContinue reading “Cure versus recovery”
This week has been hell. My mental wellness has been in tatters. I keep thinking I could have handled things differently. I honestly don’t know how though. I don’t have the tools when things really get into my head to pull away. Mindfulness was gone… Trying to think of a calming sea shore gone. ItContinue reading “My spirit”