Possible break through

I was just commenting on a reply to a different person’s post and realized… drum roll please… I put my before mental illness really knocked me down life on a pedestal. I think how awesome it was and how vivacious and outgoing i was when really i was very toxic and self centered. Maybe nowContinue reading “Possible break through”

Well hell.. hmmm

What do you do when you feel self destructive and you try to be and it back fires? Do you thank your lucky stars or up the ante? I’m going to go with disappointing lucky stars. So far today I’ve stopped myself from buying things i don’t need and talked to an ex that addedContinue reading “Well hell.. hmmm”

Let the past be the past

This is where I’m at. I keep thinking of that dream and the what ifs and the does he think of me bs. I’m having sensory memories that are making hard to not obsess. But the past is the past and there is a reason for that. I need to remember that. I’m sure heContinue reading “Let the past be the past”

Grateful but pondering

I like to torment myself with people from the past. This is no secret. Today I looked up someone on Facebook and he looked so happy. I’m grateful for the friendship we had and for his seemingly happy life. He deserves it. I’m pondering my life though and all my life choices. Where did IContinue reading “Grateful but pondering”

Let it go

I’m struggling again today. This time it’s with my looping thoughts about the past. Silly things that don’t matter anymore. I know I need to clean my house but I can’t find the gumption. I should just put some music on and keep busy. Instead I’m outside looping and vaping. Why does the past hauntContinue reading “Let it go”

A little nervous

I’ve been thinking of an ex of mine and wondering how he’s doing. I am too scared to email him straight out so I tracked him on dreaded fb and asked for a friend request. I lay here at bed time worrying I’ll be rejected. So silly but true. He was my first real loveContinue reading “A little nervous”

Stupid shit

I am constantly criticizing myself for things I said out did years ago. Usually something I said. It’s silly to not be able to let it go. I can’t change it and/or I’ll never see those people again. I’ve been recently thinking or obsessing about a previous job and how I had this disorder thenContinue reading “Stupid shit”

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my life, my thoughts, my ideas, my journey