Hatred turns to insecurity

The hate in my heart had subsided but now I’m feeling insecure and lonely. I want that fairy tale love that I see on Facebook and Instagram. To marry my best friend and travel and laugh together. I wonder if I’ve done something wrong in life to not have that. I had a dream IContinue reading “Hatred turns to insecurity”

I did not ask

My anxiety has been high the last two days. I think I’ve figured it out. Life has been to easy lately. Why is it we can’t just enjoy the ups of life? I think a part of me doesn’t feel like I deserve happiness. I wouldn’t know what it’s like anyway. I’m going to workContinue reading “I did not ask”

Damn you Etsy

I like to spend money I don’t have. Etsy has so many cute things especially makeup my weakness. What is a girl to do? In other news I’m feeling pretty good but I think I’m on the manic side… Very muted… I’m not caring about money and I feel up beat. It is this whatContinue reading “Damn you Etsy”

So tired

I think I’m in a major depression. I’m tired, unmotivated, and can’t find a reason other then my kids to keep going. I made out to work but can’t focus and want to nod off to sleep. Why can’t I be normal? Why do any of us have a mental illness? It’s so cruel ofContinue reading “So tired”

The hatred inside

I came home from work and fell asleep for an hour. When I woke up all I did was talk to myself internally how horrible of a person I am and how when I left my work meeting after it was over the people left in the room were taking bad about me. In realityContinue reading “The hatred inside”

Lately

Lately I’ve been in a depression. I’m doing good to get to work on time. On the plus side this week’s been a blur. It’s already Thursday. I wish I could just snap out of it. Life would be easier. I try to imagine being like someone without a mental illness and it sounds likeContinue reading “Lately”

Pdoc update and life @@trigger alert

Pdoc kept meds the same. I’m wanting to self harm. I don’t understand these urges but I ask thankful I’m in a house full of people. I had a couple things happen today to emotionally spiral me. I’m traveling with family and the people we are starting with are super uptight. I just want toContinue reading “Pdoc update and life @@trigger alert”

Slightly wordless Wednesday

This is funny to me but not accurate to me completely. I’ve spent years trying to appear normal to the point after twenty years I imploded. On the other hand I always embraced being not normal. And if a person was friend worthy our dating worthy I’d be up front. Here is the “crazy” betterContinue reading “Slightly wordless Wednesday”

Abilify …

How I love thee…. let me count the ways I love that you make me tired at night I like that I am fairly  depression free (which will come in handy for my hectic week starting tomorrow.) I like that since I’ve been taking you I feel normal and can concentrate at work. I knowContinue reading “Abilify …”

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