December 11 2019

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Somber with a dash of doubt

I am somber and full of doubt. I love Christmas but money is tight. I always get myself into too much debt by the end of the year. Then tax season catches me up to repeat again. I am determined to break the cycle this coming year. I just pray i get enough back in taxes to cover my debts.

Do you have somber doubts?

No buy April

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Last night went well. I’m happy I socialized. It was improv and I tried it. My quick thinking isn’t like it use to be but i put myself out there. Thanks for you all encouraging me.

I’ve decided to make April a no buy month. I’ve never done it before but I’ve decided to give it a go. I’m taking advice on how a commenter said she makes a list then in a certain amount of time decides if she really wants or needs it.

Plus it’ll show me the things i tend to buy or want to buy. Of course I’ll buy groceries and household items but that’s the only stuff.

Once exception is need weekend when i plan on going to a swap meet. But I’m only taking so much money and when it’s gone welp it’s gone.

Sitting here right now i feel confident. I got this! And i think it’s a solid plan.

Buy stuff

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I want to go on a massive shopping spree and fill this void I feel right now. So far I’ve avoided too much shopping but still the want is there.

I feel so unhappy with life right now. I guess depression had hit me hard and yes I’m back on my meds. I made it to work but all I want to be is in bed.

I sit here thinking just choose happiness but really I don’t know how. I promise I would if I could.

A to z challenge: money

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I hate everything to do with money. I hate earning it and I hate how quickly it goes away. I do like spending out so maybe the hate everything was a little dramatic lol. I’ve gotten myself into a financial pickle and I’m not sure how to get out of it. It leads me to think of doing unsavory things to get it. But don’t worry I won’t do those things. I don’t want to go to prison. Plus I don’t think it’s who I am as the thought makes me anxious.

I often fantasize about having a sugar daddy. Someone who gives me a credit card with a five thousand dollar limit each month. I think I picked that amount as I think I could live comfortable on that amount. The thought becomes obsessive sometimes which is silly as it’s never going to happen.

So why does money have to have such a hold on us?

Poetry Jo’s writing challenge day two

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Day two of poetry Jo’s challenge.


Today’s challenge is your wildest dream if money was no worries.

I’m in a better mood today so my dreams are running wild. I’m playing the lottery which is over a billion dollars. Holy cow! What I wouldn’t do with the money. First I’d move to Dallas Texas and a summer home in Orlando so I could go to Disney world whenever I wanted too.

I’d travel all over the us in an rv then see Europe and go back to Australia.

I’d have a maid and a cook. I’d set up no cost clinics for mental health in rural areas.

I think that’s a good starting point lol what is your wildest dreams?

Damn you Etsy

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I like to spend money I don’t have. Etsy has so many cute things especially makeup my weakness. What is a girl to do?

In other news I’m feeling pretty good but I think I’m on the manic side… Very muted… I’m not caring about money and I feel up beat. It is this what “normal” feels like? If so I’ll take it. 🙂 but try me again tomorrow. Lol my feelings are like the weather you don’t know how to predict it.

Therapy sucks

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Why can I never find a good therapist? My current one doesn’t know what he’s doing. He has good intentions but I don’t need to be someone’s project I need to discuss real things. Ugh!! I promised myself I’d sick with it but I can’t stand to be in the same room a him. I don’t know what to do.

Totally random but I’ll leave you with this thought cuz it’s always true lol