mental illness

What is it

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What is it about me that i become obsessed with people? I keep having dreams about people that probably don’t think of me. It’s so frustrating they are still on my mind. I’ll see a post of someone on social media and think of times we shared life moments and wonder if it had the same impact on them. I guess i just want to be noticed but then the past is the past for a reason.

I love you

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I may not know you personally but you have value and are loved. It may be hard to believe but i promise it’s true.

Just try

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I struggle sometimes moment to moment. It’s exhausting being in my head even on my good days. Which thankfully have been more often then not. Still i overthink and procrastinate. It’s what I’m good at.

Still in this moment i can say and be grateful I’m better then three years ago hell three months ago. I worry sometimes when I’ll get bad again but i just can’t dwell.

I’m far from perfect and today I’m happy for that.

Thank you

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The interview went really well. I hope to know in the next two weeks. Fingers crossed.

Other than that i still feel a little mixed. It’s manageable though so that’s a plus.

I’m trying to accept things for what they are. I do think some things are worth fighting for but you have to choose wisely.

I’m mixed

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I feel manic and depressed and very anxious. I just want this day over. I have so much on my mind. I feel it’s all crumbling. Praying the serenity prayer for sure.

Oh shit

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I think I’m manic. I just spent a lot of money and i don’t care other then to journal here. I honestly kept trying to talk myself out of it with no luck. I think I’m done now though. Plus i ran out of money to pay bills. I feel numb to it. I was very paranoid earlier today that hasn’t happen in a long time. That should have been a sign. Ugh why didn’t i recognize it during therapy today?

A glimpse at my life

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I’m purging my room it’s made a bigger mess than i would like but still a good thing. I’m not manic just motivated. I am losing momentum though … figures.

Is that a bipolar thing or just me?