mental health

Anxiety my old friend

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I’m full of anxiety. Firstly my parents are coming to my house today and it’s a mess. Not to make excuses but depression will do that to you. I know I will be a disappointment.

I now have two state interviews the 25 th. I am anxious that I’ll get both and have to choose. Then I get anxious I won’t get either. I’m anxious I need to take the day off and telling my boss.

I’m anxious as my boyfriend has pneumonia and something bad will happen. He has other medical problems that make pneumonia extra dangerous.

I’m taking it moment by moment. I will get through this. I have to have faith. I’m praying for his will but struggling with letting the anxiety go.

Lastly thank you all for your support it means the world. I love this community.


Not much better

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I’m really trying to love myself right now and be forgiving of my thoughts. It’s going ok. I can still feel the depression over me. It’s not quite painful emotionally but it is raw. I have to make it through this I have three children who need me and well I need this life.

Can’t do it anymore

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Well that was a nice positive two weeks into the new year I had. Today I feel like I can’t do it anymore. What is it? It’s life. I’m fully depressed and with crazy anxiety. I’m having dark thoughts and too much sleep. But as I sit here I’m mentally gauging my hope meter and it’s at eighty percent. So that’s a positive. I’ve just got to cope with these thoughts as they come. I know I can because I have every other time and well I just have to.

I think I’m manic

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Or in a mixed state. I don’t feel hyper sexual but I did binge easy last night something I realize I haven’t done in awhile. I spent some money and had problems falling asleep. I’m consumed with worry. I don’t feel suicidal though so that’s a plus. I just don’t know what to do with myself. I want to eat and buy more things. I’m using distraction to stop it but the want is still there.

When You Don’t Want to Live, but You Don’t Want to Die

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This writer makes perfect sense of those thoughts that creep up but seem not dangerous. Please take time to read.


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Since my decision maker is on vacation I can’t decide what time I want to leave work early due to the snow storm coming. I’m thinking eleven but is that too early since snow won’t be here supposedly until three. Yet I don’t have much work to do and the kids are getting out of school early. I use to be so confident in my choices now I just don’t know.

I know this post is probably boring. I just had to write it out I guess.

Ho hum

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I am in a good space for the most part. I need to work on worrying so much. It of course causes anxiety. Life is about choices and I wonder if my decision maker is too often taking the day off.

We are suppose to get a big snow and ice storm tomorrow. I have work obligations so I’m of course worried about driving in it. What good does it do worrying about it today? None but I can’t seem to help it. It’s weighing heavy on my brain. Just got to get through today and see what tomorrow brings.