My soon to be ex husband and I are working on the divorce. He’s all I’ve known for eighteen years. We’ve had good and bad times. A couple separations before but this one feels more real. I always knew we weren’t soul mates but then I thought that didn’t exist. I didn’t plan on fallingContinue reading “Torn”

I’m here

Things are not better. I tried to do as many of you suggested and share my feelings but I’m not sure it helped. I’m stuck but at least I’m not in a complete depression yet so that’s a plus. Anyway not a lot to share but I didn’t not want to post after my lastContinue reading “I’m here”


I just got back from the the pride festival. Six hours of driving for the of fun but I didn’t let my fears get me so it’s a win no matter what. I have a sunburn blisters and a bum hip now but again worth it lol. I feel accomplished. Tomorrow I go back toContinue reading “Safe”


I saw my therapist today. We talked about a lot… My marriage… My work… My perfectionism.. My recent suicidal ideation… The idea that feelings aren’t facts… My medication. He gave me the things to work on. The biggest one is to meditate. Ugh… I can’t do it. The thought makes me anxious but then I’veContinue reading “Meditation”

My poor husband

This weekend my husband got upset for the first time over my illness. He said he didn’t like how I am anymore. He wasn’t being mean. I do go around moping all the time. Or I should say appearing to be mopey when really I can’t be emotional. He always thinks I’m unhappy and readyContinue reading “My poor husband”

Repeat after me…

I will not feel bad for my mother I will not feel bad for my mother. Yesterday I was horribly triggered by an interaction with my mother. I fell back on old coping skills and binged ate then took a nap only to wake up nauseous and with self loathing. A combination of failure inContinue reading “Repeat after me…”

If I could turn back time…

The song title well make sense at the end of the post 🙂 I’m out of the depression but still got something else going on. I think just general life unhappiness. Now that I’m out of crisis mode my job is toxic abd I wonder just how toxic my marriage is. I always thought myContinue reading “If I could turn back time…”

What The Hell — When two people have two different Realities

My husband tells me tonight that when we went to Florida for our son’s Dream Factory wish that he considered us separated. WHAAA??? Now I know we were six weeks from being there as he was in love with some High School Fantasy girl that was just an unhappy married women who lead my husbandContinue reading “What The Hell — When two people have two different Realities”

JAcKiE’s MENTAL oBsEsSiOnZ oN A dAiLy..


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