Old thought patterns

I just can’t leave things well enough alone. I’m searching for something anything to feel alive and yet I know just living is enough right? Doing my best always trying to be a better me. Interacting with people and making friends comes with a lot of expectations I place on myself. I enjoy having the

What does i love you really mean

I dated for several months years ago a family friend i grew up with. It was long distance and frankly i was a mess mentally and he is an alcoholic. I love him dearly but i wasn’t in a place to peacefully go from on alcoholic relationship to another. I guess you really shouldn’t be

#blogtober20 the one i love

So most people are writing about a partner but i want to write about why i love myself. I am caring, kind, a team player, loving, smart enough, and beautiful. It’s hard to feel those things most days but recently I’ve had a succession of decent days so it’s easy to love myself. I need

Toxic

Today is a bonus day off work. I’ve managed to accomplish some housework. Now I’m sitting here trying to remember who i use to be. The good and the bad. I think of my marriage and the damage i did to my children staying so long. He once told me he never really loved me

Dirty dancing

I just watched dirty dancing for the millionth time. It is in my top five movies. It makes me wonder if in real life baby and johnny are still together. Lol Seriously though… i think movies have made realistic romance not good enough. Does anyone else feel that way? Has it set me up for

Past

Today i was reminded why we have to let go of toxic people. I know my ex got a reminder today of why we divorced and i did too. We don’t talk often but it’s our middle son’s graduation this Saturday so we’ve had reason to. I know playing the conversation back he’s thinking still

I’ve said this before

I am often disgusted with myself. I often can’t just let it go. Many times the nice thing about time is it dulls the ache but when your in your mind and you can’t get away the pain remains. You have to love yourself through it.

This is the plan

I so want to work on self love this year. I want to be kind and caring. I have been abusive to myself for too long. I have flaws but they shouldn’t define me. I’m a loving person why do i struggle to extend it to myself?

Grateful heart

Today is better. I found out today im getting a good size pay raise. I had a guardian angel looking out for me yesterday because if I’d went to a store before going to another first i could have been where a semi truck busted through the building. My cpap is getting me better sleep

December 8 2019

Please listen to this song. I think most people struggle with finding or sustaining love. I know i do. I just don’t know if i can love someone else when i struggle with loving myself. I want to but silly romantic movies and my past paint different pictures and screws up my expectations. Have you