I’ve said this before

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I am often disgusted with myself. I often can’t just let it go. Many times the nice thing about time is it dulls the ache but when your in your mind and you can’t get away the pain remains. You have to love yourself through it.

This is the plan

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I so want to work on self love this year. I want to be kind and caring. I have been abusive to myself for too long. I have flaws but they shouldn’t define me. I’m a loving person why do i struggle to extend it to myself?

Grateful heart

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Today is better. I found out today im getting a good size pay raise. I had a guardian angel looking out for me yesterday because if I’d went to a store before going to another first i could have been where a semi truck busted through the building. My cpap is getting me better sleep and life is good. I have a job a home and people who love me. I am filled with a grateful heart. Im going to hold on to that today.

December 8 2019

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Please listen to this song. I think most people struggle with finding or sustaining love. I know i do. I just don’t know if i can love someone else when i struggle with loving myself. I want to but silly romantic movies and my past paint different pictures and screws up my expectations.

Have you been able to effectively love yourself despite being human?

Dec 2 2019

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Today i love myself. I love the curves of my body, the color of my eyes, and my height.

I love my family flaws and all.

I love this community. It has helped me immensely.

What do you love today?

Thanksgiving and bullshit

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First i have plenty to be thankful for… my children… family… a career… a roof over my head. Today i am not forgetting those things.

But on my mind is how do you drudge through the bullshit? The mental illness… knowing if someone is real and not full of shit. My thoughts are altered often as im needy yet i don’t believe the words said. My judgment can be off and with my maladaptive coping skills it’s not a good combination.

Still im in good spirits just restless and ill take that over depression anyday.

Watch “Chris Stapleton, P!nk – “Love Me Anyway” | Live from CMA Awards 2019″ on YouTube

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I think I’ve shared this song before but i wanted to again. At first i thought this kind of love i wanted with a person.

Upon listening to it today i realize it applies to my relationship with myself. Could i still love myself for the choices i make. One particular commenter always tells me unconditional love. It has to start with me for myself.

Could you still love yourself for all your missteps? I send prayers and positive life you can.