Dec 1 2019

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YouTube had this thing called vlogmas. Im not doing a YouTube thing but i thought it be fun to do a writemas. Im not sure if im making this up on the spot or if it’s a thing already. Im going to post everyday something positive or pensive. If you like to join feel free to. 😃

Today’s thought is about hope.

I have hope that things will work out. That i will be loved and this holiday will be a good one. That the anxiety will subside and i will be kinder to myself.

What do you hope for?

I did it

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I paid for my real estate license exam course. I’m excited but scared. I hope it’s just not another bipolar whim. I really don’t think it is but of course we’ve been trained to doubt flipping everything. On the plus side if I don’t pass I get my money back or I have thirty days if I don’t get half way through I get my money back. At some point you have to believe in yourself right?

A must read

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So far I firmly believe the four agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.

Is really finally a book that is hitting home for me. It’s a little hard to get some concepts at first as he is very figurative where my mind wants to go literal but I just read a section that essentially said that we live in hell. There is so much judgment fear and hatred on this plane that is that not how hell will be? It ties into my beliefs that there is a heaven and God but we must achieve some lesson before going there. Maybe not full on nirvana but some sort of enlightenment. It’s a quick and easy read so if you like self help books of sorts you should pick it up. I’m sure the further asking I get the more I’ll talk about it. I just got so excited lol I had to share.

Wordless moment

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Well sorta wordless. I took this spontaneous photo of my sparkler it gives me hope right now.

Happy New year!

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Ok memes out of the way 🙂 all relevant to me right now. Day one of writing a whole new chapter of my life. I’d love to say everything will be awesome and I’m starting the year with fervor. As most of you know I can’t life is on hold at least the month of January as my son has his surgery and recovers. My current worry isn’t that he will die but that his pain will be minimal. I have faith right now the surgery will go well but that doesn’t stop pain. 

I look back at the year and a lot of potentially negative things happened that have turned out good. I was going to quit my job and make less money but it was saved. I didn’t time in the psych hospital. Which I think saved my life. I’m getting a divorce and I feel relieved ultimately. 

And I have hope that this year will be awesome. Like the meme says I’m open to it. I was lacking hope for most of 2016 so it’s refreshing to have it again. I pray I don’t lose it again.


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I know I’m not a perfect mom but I know my children feel loved. I am often distant and moody but rarely with them. I could play more games with them or go for a walk but most days I do good going to work and surviving. I wish I could be a more active mom. They deserve that. I know they love me back. I have faith they will be all right even with a mom with mental health issues.


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I have hope I’ll be happy again. Slowly as I find the right medication and through my therapist I’ll find myself. Recovery is possible. At least for today I have hope.