I’m not as depressed as i have been so that’s a positive. I think about my career and i just don’t know where to be. I need to make a certain amount and there isn’t jobs like that around. I have too much free time right now. I’m hoping that will change. I do deserveContinue reading “In a better place”
I’m still in disastrous place. I can’t shake wanting to curl up and die. What am i living for? Well I’m living for my children and my parents and what few friends i have. I write that and I’m living for me too. I deserve a well as anybody to have a life worth living.Continue reading “I’m fighting for what?”
This was my fortune today. I’m praying and hoping it’s true. I do think some happiness is up to me. Learning to make better choices and coping mechanisms will help with my happiness level. I also know i can’t sustain it twenty four seven and i have to be okay with the moments im inContinue reading “Im hoping”
I know i should do more that makes me happy but i struggle finding those things. What does make me happy? Im really not sure. I’ve lost interest in so much. I wasn’t too be creative but really im not. How do you find self care things to make you happy?
I sit here realizing im wallowing in nothingness. Maybe i have set my expectations on things to just miraculously happen on there own. I make the same decisions that lead to poor choices over and over again. I know that only i can make the changes. Yet im stagnant. Im unsure of myself and thoughContinue reading “Wallowing”
I’m not sure what i feel. I just want to be happy. People say it’s a choice but i can’t wrap my mind around it being a choice. I am so guided by this disorder im exhausted. How do i find happiness?
Happiness is so fleeting. I get glimpses of it then it disappears. Is it making me stronger? I’d like to think so. I’m stronger then three years ago but am I then a month ago? Change comes at a snail pace often. Or I’ve seen it in a lightening strike but that is rare. SomeContinue reading “Going to be happy”
I think children often make us feel like failures. I know mine are right now. I just want to self medicate with alcohol but I’ve been abstinent for two weeks now and well I decided to take my klonopin to chill out my anxiety. My oldest son is spinning his wheels at life when heContinue reading “Parenting 101”
I wonder if I am destined to be unhappy. Is there something wrong with me that I can’t achieve it. Well I guess there really is due to my mental health but is it a reason or an excuse? Thinking hard on it I think it’s a reason. I didn’t bring it on or askContinue reading “Destined to be unhappy”
I read a blog post where the person said or my take away was… That a person only need to think happy to be happy. If that’s the case I feel broken because I promise I try to be happy. But then again the saying is if you do the same thing expecting the sameContinue reading “Is it dangerous?”