Well hell

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Im sitting here still loving myself but feeling overwhelmed. I think it’s my dreams from last night sticking with me. I often have dreams of being late to work or forgetting something. I feel ineffective and worthless. Which is odd since i have this feeling of love too. It’s like two sides battling and it’s causing anxiety. I dreamed of being caught in a fire does anyone know what that might mean?

What dreams may come

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I had a very vivid dream last night of a relationship that didn’t work out and I’m very regretful of. I felt so happy to be around this person it makes me wonder if he’s my one true love.

Or is it just my mind playing tricks on me? There is no way to have this person in my life and that makes me sad but I understand why. It’s just will I be forever longing for that relationship? Ugh!


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I have been having vivid dreams of loss the last two nights. It makes my sleeping time not much fun. It’s suppose to be my solace. I wish I was a dream interpreter to know what is bothering me in my waking hours.

Dreams again

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I had to get up from bed just to stop dreaming. There was so much chaos and angst. And my aunt who was like a sister too me who died fourteen years ago was in it. When loved ones who are deceased enter your dreams does it mean something? I dislike it when my refuge is taken over by anxiety and turmoil. It makes me feel uneasy. I guess I just wanted some thoughts on if dreams are nothing chatter or if they tell us something.

I did it

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I paid for my real estate license exam course. I’m excited but scared. I hope it’s just not another bipolar whim. I really don’t think it is but of course we’ve been trained to doubt flipping everything. On the plus side if I don’t pass I get my money back or I have thirty days if I don’t get half way through I get my money back. At some point you have to believe in yourself right?

Today I sit

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Today I sit and contemplate my life. What dreams I have and how to make them come true. After the holidays I’m going to take my real estate classes. They had a flash sale of forty percent off so I’m hoping after the new year they have another.

Random thoughts 10-15-17

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How telling do you think dreams are? Last night I had a vivid dream and it stated what in my dream was my biggest regret in life. I’ve never consciously thought this was my biggest regret but I can see it now. I’m trying not to obsess over it as I can’t change it.

My youngest two are at there dad’s. They haven’t seen him in months. I’m anxious about what they are doing and what will be said. Again not trying to obsess.

I’m thinking about doing some work from home but am stuck between not giving a fuck and worried about how much I need to do. The thought of working is dreadful to me.

I’m also thinking of going to our huge nature park and walking around. I think it’ll do me good but my boyfriend is sleeping as he works nights and I feel lost going without him. 

I bought a new coloring set. Not that I needed it. I’m thinking of putting on some meditative music and coloring. I also have an idea for some art I want to make for my parents. I have options at least.