Welp I’m divorced. I feel relief and regret but overall happy for once. I think it was the unknown yesterday and last minute negotiations that had me down. I really thought I’d feel depressed but I feel lighter. Thank you all for setting me through. Now on to better things.
Anxiety is a bitch. I need to get focused but I can’t care. Maybe the drugs are working too well. Leaving me with just a smidgen of anxiety that makes me ineffective.
I realized next week I should be divorced. I’m not sure how I feel about it. Mainly I think relieved. But then I think of all that wasted time with the wrong person being miserable. You can’t think that way right?
Anyway I better find my focus and get to it. Hope everyone is warm and safe.
This last week ended up being super crap filled. Here’s the run down in brief…
- My therapist made me think he cared then didn’t
- My ex put in parenting plan he only wants one weekend a month… Who asks for less time?
- Work in general is stressful
- Friday night the work stress went into overdrive and spilled into today still unable to not obsess over it
- My seventeen year old is struggling with life right now in little but dramatic if possible ways
- Oh and my car just went kaput
But I realized I’ve survived it all. I’m here to think and breath to love and just live. And that’s a good thing.
I don’t know if I’m still just to foggy from being sick or if my give a damn is broke today. I feel ambivalent to everything today. My ex text me I actually had the balls to tell him to talk to my lawyer because he’s been dragging his feet on this divorce. I think I should feel anxiety but I feel meh. My work piled up I feel meh. My bills meh. It feels unhealthy but comforting.
This cold I have
The boredom I felt at lunch
The fact my soon to be ex husband is in Oregon on vacation instead of paying child support for months.
The fact I’m even writing this post.
I can’t vape right now or I choke on the smoke almost twenty four hours workout nicotine. I’m cranky.
I can’t taste anything and it’s freaking Thanksgiving!
I really could go on but I won’t be that ungrateful.
I’m ready for the weekend. I have a few things planned. Just got to get through today. My mood is weird I’m in a good mood but stressed. So there is a line of tension. I went home early yesterday and slept all day. I think my body needed it.
The ex finally got a lawyer and is contesting some divorce things. This is not helping my stress levels. I’m scared it’ll be a battle and to think I was nice and generous I felt. But then again in his best interest I guess to have his own…though I’m not sure what there is to contest it was the usual with these things. Grrr.
I’ve been spending money like crazy I need to get back on track. It just brings me some relief like food does. If I get the transfer I’ll need to find a therapist in my work area. Maybe I can get in before September. Let’s hope.
I ran into a women at Wal-Mart who worked with my ex husband. She said I heard your divorcing ex and gave me a hug. She said she was happy and excited for me. She said he had texted her to tell her we had separated. She asked me if I wanted to know about my ex. I said no. What I don’t know doesn’t make me obsessive yet my curiosity is there too… How bad was it? She couldn’t help herself and said let me tell you this he’s a pig. I then changed the subject. My question is would you have wanted the info or am I better off not knowing?