divorce
I’ll take another shot of fml
Ex made scene at hospital with the help of my mom. Awesome.
I’m getting a cold again that’s settling into my chest. Wonderful.
I am not doing well at telling myself no. Spending or food consumption.
I want a nap and three months off work… Sigh a girl can dream.
D-i-v-o-r-c-e
Welp I’m divorced. I feel relief and regret but overall happy for once. I think it was the unknown yesterday and last minute negotiations that had me down. I really thought I’d feel depressed but I feel lighter. Thank you all for setting me through. Now on to better things.
Anxiety
Anxiety is a bitch. I need to get focused but I can’t care. Maybe the drugs are working too well. Leaving me with just a smidgen of anxiety that makes me ineffective.
I realized next week I should be divorced. I’m not sure how I feel about it. Mainly I think relieved. But then I think of all that wasted time with the wrong person being miserable. You can’t think that way right?
Anyway I better find my focus and get to it. Hope everyone is warm and safe.
Crap week
This last week ended up being super crap filled. Here’s the run down in brief…
- My therapist made me think he cared then didn’t
- My ex put in parenting plan he only wants one weekend a month… Who asks for less time?
- Work in general is stressful
- Friday night the work stress went into overdrive and spilled into today still unable to not obsess over it
- My seventeen year old is struggling with life right now in little but dramatic if possible ways
- Oh and my car just went kaput
But I realized I’ve survived it all. I’m here to think and breath to love and just live. And that’s a good thing.
Ambivalent
I don’t know if I’m still just to foggy from being sick or if my give a damn is broke today. I feel ambivalent to everything today. My ex text me I actually had the balls to tell him to talk to my lawyer because he’s been dragging his feet on this divorce. I think I should feel anxiety but I feel meh. My work piled up I feel meh. My bills meh. It feels unhealthy but comforting.
What I’m not thankful for
This cold I have
The boredom I felt at lunch
The fact my soon to be ex husband is in Oregon on vacation instead of paying child support for months.
The fact I’m even writing this post.
I can’t vape right now or I choke on the smoke almost twenty four hours workout nicotine. I’m cranky.
I can’t taste anything and it’s freaking Thanksgiving!
I really could go on but I won’t be that ungrateful.
It’s Friday
I’m ready for the weekend. I have a few things planned. Just got to get through today. My mood is weird I’m in a good mood but stressed. So there is a line of tension. I went home early yesterday and slept all day. I think my body needed it.
The ex finally got a lawyer and is contesting some divorce things. This is not helping my stress levels. I’m scared it’ll be a battle and to think I was nice and generous I felt. But then again in his best interest I guess to have his own…though I’m not sure what there is to contest it was the usual with these things. Grrr.
I’ve been spending money like crazy I need to get back on track. It just brings me some relief like food does. If I get the transfer I’ll need to find a therapist in my work area. Maybe I can get in before September. Let’s hope.
