deep thoughts

If I die young.

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I went to a funeral sunday. I learned what I don’t want at my funeral.
**disclaimer this is not a foreboding post I’m not dying as far as I know. Just this funeral was a weird experience and hit me thinking

°°° no Damn sermon. I want no talk how people have to get right work the Lord to see new again
°°° no shaming my children or bringing up past things that are negative
°°° don’t sing the same sing twice
°°° don’t have it on a Sunday. I want it on a Tuesday or Wednesday.

Ok so a few things I want

°°° people to tell funny stories
°°° people to wear black but with crazy colourful hats or ties
°°° not traditional sad songs

What do you want or not want at your funeral?

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I can’t sleep

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I really don’t want this blog to turn into nothing but me whining about life. My personal goals this year is to let go of resentment and find some likeability for myself. I swear though life is about Karma and I must have done something wrong in the last life. Yesterday I was upbeat and ready to take on the world and I am thankfully still at the place where I want to eat and be healthier not de-railed yet but a few things have already sprung up.

I really want to tell off my work. I read about five emails yesterday that really is getting under skin that was already thin to begin with. I use to not obsess over trying to find some reason to call in after having a few days off. Or have a panic attack at just thinking about having to go back to work due to the paranoia of what bullshit may come my way. It is not even the work itself but the environment. I wrote and re-wrote an email yesterday to various people to thankfully come to my right mind and not send any email detailing my annoyance to being everyone’s Bitch but like the quote up there maturity is ending drama. I am proud I didn’t send it. I have three kids to feed and a home to pay for so I need this job plan and simple. I will just need to use this stress to motivate to start my own business like I really want too. Doubly glad I didn’t do it as my husband got laid off once again for a few days. So all that brain thinking had me up early and I decided to purge a little on here and I am glad I did. Maybe now I can have a decent day.