I woke up this way again

I’ve have slight paranoia about death again. I’m worried someone i love will die and I’ll be shattered. I just realized the doctor upped my Buspar so maybe that will help. Time will tell. Today I’ve only managed to put makeup on for fun as usual putting off what does need done. I plan on

Tw: Death

I’m sitting here thinking about death. I never want to die im scared of it. To not exist is scary. I keep thinking what if i don’t wake up in the morning? Why do i have these thoughts and fears? More so why do i get suicidal when i know i don’t want to die.

Sadness

I’m sure I’ve mentioned that im a supervisor in my job. One of my co workers i supervise father in law passed away. I feel so upset for her. Im not sure what as a supervisor im to do. This is a first for me. Im not trying to make it about me i promise.

Sadness

I’m sure I’ve mentioned that im a supervisor in my job. One of my co workers i supervise father in law passed away. I feel so upset for her. Im not sure what as a supervisor im to do. This is a first for me. Im not trying to make it about me i promise.

Dear God

This song is running through my head with the pandemic coming on. I do believe in God and oddly find it his choice if i live or die. Yet it’s so arbitrary. Im not feeling panicked to get the virus just the dying part. I always don’t understand why i get suicidal when i have

Pondering death — tw

The title is not about my suicidal ideation for once. Though now that I think about it I haven’t had much of it as an overall thought. It’s about me sitting here at my new job watching over someone who is dying. I’ve only been around one person who was dying and that’s been years

I’m here I’m sad

I’m here living this life. I feel relief my boyfriend is outta my life. I got some comments that he didn’t fight too hard to stay. I realize that’s true and maybe he wanted to move on too. Though he said he still wants to be friends. I really don’t. He said I lost a

Depression

My uncle died at 7:55 this morning. Thank you for your support. I know he’s no longer suffering. This event has triggered depression in me. I think mainly because I can’t cry very well and the whole death is so final thing. I don’t want to make it about me but well it is my

Immortality and death

My uncle is dying. He has had cancer for years and is finally succumbing to it. I’m not close to him but my dad and grandma are so I see their sadness and it hurts. Besides the fact to watch someone die is a long tortuous act. Most of the time I feel immortal. I

rip Carrie Fisher

I wish I could be as brave as her. I really feel upset over her death. She made me feel I could have bipolar and a writer. Plus it makes me think death is all around general paranoia. We lost a good soul today. May her family find peace.