crisis

EEP my birthday just passed

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And I am not ready for it!

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And I survived somehow!  lol

Since I turned 34 every year in October I get restless and feel my mortality. I get melancholy about all the choices I have made or didn’t make.and about how my life isn’t the awesome fairy tale I dreamt about as a child. This year is worse in a different way. Three years ago it was about regretting my marriage and learning the grass is not greener during an eight month separation. Learning the hard way there is something innately wrong with me internally as even though eighty pounds slimmer no matter the place or how I attract alcoholics…. There was the high school sweetheart reconnect… The military man… The soul mate after two dates but mean drunk… Do I need to pathetically go on?

My husband realized we were meant for each other and reconciled which left last years as wanting a baby as my youngest went into the first grade. Alas, I can’t have anymore with my husband (he was kind enough to step up to the plate on that one) And well see above as to why I have no intention of dating/having sex with anyone else. The grass is not greener on the other side when it comes to me!

This year appears to be a midlife crisis of epic proportion. Deep anxiety and depression and this overwhelming feeling of a wasted life. My mental health issues have never been so bad in 36 years. I have tried a couple different therapist and medications and many days I feel like I am hanging on a thread. I totally need a new life or at the very least a hobby. So my children are into youtube as well as me for beauty tips. I decided to start making my own. I made this a couple weeks ago starting to discuss my feelings and fears that my age is causing. And what I would tell my 18 year old self.

If you have time… please check it out.