borderline personality disorder
I wish my excitement was over getting the job but I haven’t heard anything.
But it is over the little mini vacation I’m taking back to my home town. I haven’t been on a vacation in years. I’m so excited!
I’m going with my mom and younger two kids. I’ve decided to set boundaries with my mom where we don’t discuss finances. I don’t want to get cranky. Lol I’m anxious to tell her but adamant.
Today I pack and clean house. I don’t want to forget anything. I need to make a list.
Anyway… Here’s to fun!
I have seen that I have several new followers so I thought I’d do a get to know me post. Most if not all will be known to my long time followers but sometimes a refresher is good right? Lol
- I’m a mom of three boys. Two struggle with their own mental health. One is twelve so time will tell. My middle son had cancer as well though he’s doing well.
- I’m a social worker by trade. It’s often difficult to navigate this field and my mental health but I manage most days. With a lot of venting on this blog lol
- I officially got divorced this January after sixteen years together. I have a boyfriend but I feel distant from him yet co dependent. Ugh.
- I have bipolar and anxiety and once was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder though I am unsure I have that for sure.
- I’ve been to Australia. I felt so peaceful there and I deeply regret not moving there.
- I appreciate everyone that reads this blog and have found this community so supportive.
I’m a nervous wreck on not knowing if I got this job or not. I figured since I want it so bad I won’t get it. But then I’m like that’s silly thinking. Still it’s got my anxiety up. They said it’d be a couple of weeks before I heard anything so I need to chill. No news right now is promising news right?
Does panic attacks come with mania? I woke up from a dead sleep panicked about potentially getting this new job. How I can’t do it and I will probably fail. This lead to panic over something else I truly can’t remember but I know it was two fold. I took my klonopine to settle down then my dreams were vibrant and odd. I haven’t had a panic attack in ages. It was terrifying.
I want to have a one night stand and go out and dance. I want to crawl out of my skin and be one with the universe. I am also thinking of a lot of regrets and guilt. But then instead of my usual telling myself I’m a piece of shit it’s Yolo I love myself. Ugh if it wasn’t my want of sex being one– a bad idea two– just not feasible I’d like this ride.
I feel like I’m taking a turn upward in mood. I feel happy. I love this mood but it never lasts long enough. I want to cuddle and kiss everybody but it’s not acceptable at work lol. A sure sign of some hypo mania. I could run ten miles of my body would let me. Don’t mind me as I sit here in this feeling.
I’m not sure how I feel today. I know I don’t want to be here in this cubicle. I want to be in bed sleeping. I’m thinking I’m depressed but I don’t feel sad. I have some ideation but it’s fleeting. I just don’t know. And that kinda sucks. How can you combat something your not sure about?