More drama

I hate not know if the paranoia is justified or an anxiety manifestation. Work has gotten worse and poor behavior is swept under the rug. Or at the very least down played. I get a paranoid feeling my boss feels I’m creating this when honestly is the lady doing it all on her own. I

Checking my list

When it comes to important things I want to remember for a later time or just to wait my turn I make lists. I have a list of things I want to ask and point out about myself in a notes app on my phone. Everything has its drawbacks but the only one I can

Good lawd

WordPress changed again in my feed while I was not writing and though previous changes didn’t bother me this one is annoying to say the least. I am sure having your commenters IP address and email is helpful if you are being harassed but then again those things can be fake or spoofed. Anyway I

Once again fallen off the posting wagon

I am in major turmoil. Work is a disaster and I barely see a light pin hole in the dark. I want connection but can’t garner the belief I deserve it. I was called evil at work but a co worker I just don’t believe you can put that kind of verbiage in the world

Well it’s Friday

And though the beginning of my week was difficult so far the ending is good. I had an easy work day yesterday and I feel this one should be as well. My mood is much better and I like my life in this moment. As we all know that can change on a dime. Life

Uncertainty

Today I have to see that client that i supposedly am not to know what was said about me. It will be interesting to see how it plans out. I’m anxious about it but oddly not too much. With the way I’ve been treated at this job recently I’m searching for something else but I

Crying

I sobbed so hard today i hyperventilated. That says a lot because usually I can’t cry at all. Work has been a disaster. And I just want to be done with this earth and pain. No plans or thoughts beyond not having this pain. People are shady and it’s bullshit. I don’t know why I

Yay for another day

I woke up this morning thankful I get to live another day. I rather like this feeling of hope to what the future brings. If I could put it in a jar to use for when I don’t feel this way I would. I get so tired of being stuck in my head. Today I’m

Once again

Up earlier then alarm was set for. Today will be busy at work maybe that’ll be a plus. First thing a two hour meeting ugh so much other stuff I could be doing. Not sure about my mood. I think of all the stuff I need to do and get overwhelmed. I usually just end

What a day

This weekend and particularly this day has been a cluster fuck. Between car phone and ex husband issues. I’ve had mental health fuzziness in my brain and I do not want it. I am not feeling actively suicidal but if I went to sleep and didn’t wake up that would be fine with me. Which