Darkness

I feel the darkness closing in. I almost took myself to the hospital but that would just make matters worse. I’m stronger than the darkness damn it. Though is difficult and feels like it is engulfing me. I got a frivolous movie to watch and some wine. I know drinking isn’t good for us but

Trouble

I’m always worried I’ll get into trouble at work. I got a phone call that set my mood from meh to fml. I need to calm down as I’m sure it won’t be a big deal but to me… I see it as not being perfect so it set me off. I want to mentally

Today’s emotion… Meh

I feel in a rut. The only thing I look forward to is sleep. I’m not even excited for the holidays. Maybe because money is tight. But Christmas use to be my favorite holiday and I feel joyless. I had to skip therapy this week for a work thing. I like  my therapist as he

Always thinking

I woke up this morning thinking of a past situation. I realized I was being silly even thinking about it. I’m sure that person doesn’t think of me. Why do our minds belabor the past? Then I about had a panic attack on the way to work. I had to take some medicine to calm

Upon my grave

I heard today is write your ephitat (spelling?) Day. I want mine to be simple… Beloved mother who made me smile. What would yours be?

I want to be one of these people to be admired.  Things the last two days have been even keeled so not much to blog about. Hope you all are well.

Crap day with a side of I love you

I have been trying to stay positive but today it just isn’t working. I’m worried about work things and some drama. It’s got me worked up anxiety wise since I haven’t heard back from my boss about the situation. I’m hoping writing this vague post will help. I don’t want to take my anxiety meds

Good enough

Another thing my therapist touched on during my last session was my want to be perfect. He noticed a pattern where I won’t try new things or take the time to clean the house because I can’t make it perfect. He told me being or doing “good enough” is ok. At least I’m doing something

Today I accept

Today I’m working on self acceptance. It’s going ok. I accept I’m overweight because of the food choices I make. And I accept I have a mental disorder that will be with me for life. I accept I say stupid things and regret them later. I accept I will never be perfect. It’s all ok

Feelings

I don’t know what I’m feeling. Or rather I feel like a jumble of emotions. It’s hard enough to deal with one emotion let alone a bunch. Is this a mixed state? I don’t feel self destructive but feel sad and happy at same time. It’s weird. A little anxiety in there too and feeling