Today may 11 2020

I’m back at work trying to muddle through. I feel mentally drained and I’m not sure why. I started plotting this movie idea I’ve had in my head awhile. I couldn’t fall asleep because i kept having ideas to write down. It’s wonderful to be creative yet it gives me anxiety on the follow through. I don’t feel hypo manic and i don’t feel depressed. I feel a little discombobulated. Not sure what is going on feelings wise. I guess it is what it is.

Crafting

I have “invested” in the art of quilling. I have ideas of what i want to make but am afraid of executing it. I am waiting on some supplies to come in. Im hoping i get good at it.

Picture of quilling

On a side note… im not ready to go back to work yet ready for weekend to be over. Really can’t have it both ways i guess 😃

Happy mother’s day

Today is mother’s day in the usa. My oldest got me a Starbucks card and a card and chocolate. Im taking the younger two into the next town over to get Starbucks. Just waiting on my middle son to get in a good save spot on his game 🤪

My mood is good today though i can’t stop my leg from moving so maybe some anxiety.

I hope everyone is having a great day but in particular mothers even those with angel babies. I don’t know your heartache personally but i can bet you love the child just the same.

Do you feel this way too?

This right here explains me wonderfully. It’s nice to know someone else feels it too. I mean really lazy perfectionist is totally me. Though I’ve noticed I’ve felt less of a need to be perfect so I’m not sure if it’s a fluke or real change. Kinda sad i don’t believe in myself really.

This weekend is long. I can’t remember if i mentioned yesterday was a state holiday so i had it off. I should check some work stuff but am procrastinating. With being on call though it makes it kinda a long weekend and not in a good way.

Overall though my mood is good. I have a few worries im ruminating on but that’s ok as really it’s who i am in a way. This acceptance stuff is pretty cool.

What’s not cool is i can’t seem to stop myself from online shopping. I know that probably sounds like bullshit. For real though I’ll see something on sale and bam I’ve already ordered before i can think twice. I need a system to stop the quick doing. Im not sure what that should be though. It’s like i go into a trance of sorts. Im going to think on it because i do want to do better.

Confidence versus doubt

I am not the most confident person we all know that. I feel i have made good strides in being more confident. Im today proud of myself. I do have doubts though they are images usually of past things I’ve done. If i could learn to let go of these thoughts I’d be less anxious im sure. Just another thing to work on. Grrr bettering yourself is hard! Still im doing it.

Things that make you go hmmm

Anyone remember that song? Now it’s stuck in my head. Lol

Apparently i am getting the ex stimulus check. I didn’t think i would but he is far enough behind so… but it’s not on the card yet and i don’t know why. I hope i don’t have to wait until the first. It seems to good to be true. I won’t believe until it’s on the card.

So far my on call has been ok. But it’s a state holiday tomorrow and mothers day Sunday so there is that.

My mood has been decent. The usual anxiety but working from home has caused a lot of that.

I’ll be getting a new boss as mine is retiring soon. Im a little worried as he has been so supportive.

Alright well i hope all you are doing well. I will try and enjoy my three day weekend. 😀

A little levity

I do like me some cookie dough. 😁🤷‍♀️

Im feeling ok today a little anxiety but not too much. I am brave as i get up most mornings to face the day. But if you can’t that’s ok too. Some days we just need to be. I need to shower today. It’s on my list of to do’s. It might help the anxiety. I hope you are doing well and feel brave today yourself.

Just the facts ma’am

Im irritated at my son and wonder if I’ve gone wrong in raising him. I always thought as long as they don’t do hard core drugs I’ll be proud but what if they lack ambition etc. He’s 19 and just seems content to live here which i like but is that healthy?

I start my on call week tonight so get ready for some anxiety filled posts. I don’t usually get that many calls but it’s really a crap shoot.

Despite taking off work to help my son get a car and that falling through… i was productive enough. And im ok with that

I didn’t make any art this weekend. That’s ok great plans sometimes don’t work out. I thought about it but then stopped myself just wasn’t feeling inspired.

I guess that’s just some facts/ thoughts going on right now. Im in an ok place mentally and ok has to be good enough.

Isolation

It’s apparent that many people in my community don’t care about staying home. I live in a resort town and it’s beginning to be the season here. I think people are visiting there summer homes as traffic was horrible yesterday and i was only out because my son needs a car. I do worry about a rebound of the virus but at the same time life must go on too. Im not sure i know how that works. I do know my anxiety is no fun and makes me ineffective. And it’s gotten worse with the longer isolation goes on.

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