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I found this on my work desk. I can’t remember if it’s mine or if someone kindly left it for me.
Makes me ponder what is my dearest wish. I thought first of something selfish. This struggle with depression and all the shit that comes with it.
But when I prayed on it and really thought my dearest wish is even more intangible. I want to go back in time and have my son Aaron never to have cancer. Or at the very least we’d made a different choice on his second surgery. And my other dearest wish is that Aaron would not be learning disabled or e figure out how to move him forward because his iq is there.
Is any if that too much to ask? :-[
Some of my family right now. Even as a social worker, I am not immune to family drama and hatefulness. it makes me happy I’m am only child but more invested as once my parents and grandma die its just me and my kids.
I yelled at my 86 year old grandma today because she has caused so much tension. I bawled at work and my Co workers consoled me and gave me practical advice.
Sadly I feel like the picture above. She is beyond reason and though I know she can’t help it I think she can. ???? Just so emotional and confusing.
So that’s my main thoughts of the day. Thanks for reading if you got this far 🙂
I really don’t want this blog to turn into nothing but me whining about life. My personal goals this year is to let go of resentment and find some likeability for myself. I swear though life is about Karma and I must have done something wrong in the last life. Yesterday I was upbeat and ready to take on the world and I am thankfully still at the place where I want to eat and be healthier not de-railed yet but a few things have already sprung up.
I really want to tell off my work. I read about five emails yesterday that really is getting under skin that was already thin to begin with. I use to not obsess over trying to find some reason to call in after having a few days off. Or have a panic attack at just thinking about having to go back to work due to the paranoia of what bullshit may come my way. It is not even the work itself but the environment. I wrote and re-wrote an email yesterday to various people to thankfully come to my right mind and not send any email detailing my annoyance to being everyone’s Bitch but like the quote up there maturity is ending drama. I am proud I didn’t send it. I have three kids to feed and a home to pay for so I need this job plan and simple. I will just need to use this stress to motivate to start my own business like I really want too. Doubly glad I didn’t do it as my husband got laid off once again for a few days. So all that brain thinking had me up early and I decided to purge a little on here and I am glad I did. Maybe now I can have a decent day.