Posture

I know I have been reblogging a lot which make me feel like I am cheating on my blog but there has been some family things and work things bogging me down. I plan this weekend to spend time writing and sharing more my own things … with that being said. This post made me think..,. Oh yes I am so trying to learn this lesson! Isn’t it great and funny how certain person we may run into or certain thing we read or watch or see just wakens something in us or comes around right when we need it. This right here right now is reach my soul and making it say … hey dummy this is an important moment to ponder! ūüėÄ How about any of you?

Writings of a Mrs

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Hanging in there.

I have found an app that is like a notes app but a combo of a memory book. It really awesome and is helping me be able to talk to my pdoc when I see him on the 27th.

Today my illness and stress were tested with work and the fear my sons tumor possibly being back. I hope it is just worry for nothing. 

Anyway… just wanted to do an update. I feel more even with small waves instead of tsunamies, One day at a time right? ūüėÄ

You’re not alone, famous people who have been diagnose with Bipolar disorder

I like this post as it shows that you can have bipolar disorder and still be successful at something. Though probably not relationships as most of these people have had rough lives.

Bipolar Momma

Thought I would look up a list of a few people throughout the years who have been diagnose with Bipolar Disorder. Some cases ended sadly, but some cases will really surprise you‚Ķ and maybe, you have to be just a lit ‚Äúcrazy‚ÄĚ to be truly creative? So here it goes‚Ķ

Sherman Alexie: Native American poet, writer and filmaker
Russell Brand:comedian and actor
Kurt Cobain: musician
Patricia Cornwell: American crime writer
DMX: rapper
Richard Dreyfuss: actor
Patty Duke: actress
Carrie Fisher: Actress (best know from Star Wars) and writer
Mel Gibson: actor and director
Macy Gray: musician and actress
Ernest Hemingway: writer
Jack Irons: former drummer for both the Red Hot Chili Peppersand Pearl Jam
Demi Lovato: actress, musician and writer
Marilyn Monroe: actress
Florence Nightingale: nurse and health campaigner
Edgar Allan Poe: poet and writer
Odean Pope: jazz musician
Axl Rose: lead singer from 

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Understanding what mental illness is and is not

I am very about anti-stigma of mental illness .. trust me it isn’t a choice! This is a great blog post and an interesting blog that I just found.

Unspoken Politics

I’ve been featured twice recently in articles about the Affordable Care Act and its impact on mental healthcare- first by the Peninsula Press, and subsequently by Generation Progress, which is an offshoot of the Center for American Progress think tank. This wasn’t by accident- I approached the author of the first article, Maya Horowitz, during a county meeting on mental health. What prompted me is the serious lack of literacy in regards to what people with mental disorders are like and the challenges that they face. The ACA is a good legislative step by eliminating these disorders from disqualifying individuals from quality insurance, nevertheless there still is societal stigma.

A place I return to time and time again is the largest bipolar community on reddit.com. To some extent, in a non-medical sense I’m already somewhat of an expert. Living with bipolar disorder for almost nine years now…

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Take a Ride on the Bi Polar Emotion Carousel

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Yes I am one of those people that uses FB to share my feelings. I have learned to set it on friends only most of the time. Oh Lordy when my hubby and I went through our separation I posted a lot of melodramatic things. Here is the status updates over the last couple of days.
February 6

Meds going well It is so great to feel better in my head 
After five days on my meds… I have my first hypo mania feelings/episode going on. This is actually a relief as one i have had a person or two tell me that bi polar 2 is the new specialty diagnosis as if they give it to anyone. (grrrrr … please do not minimize my feelings as I have known for years there was something wrong in my head) and two as weird as it sounds I was feeling so good that I was wondering if I needed to go up to a higher dose for my med as it has to go up gradually.

February 7

After five days on my meds… I have my first hypo mania feelings/episode going on. This is actually a relief as one i have had a person or two tell me that bi polar 2 is the new specialty diagnosis as if they give it to anyone. (grrrrr … please do not minimize my feelings as I have known for years there was something wrong in my head) and two as weird as it sounds I was feeling so good that I was wondering if I needed to go up to a higher dose for my med as it has to go up gradually.

Now the positive of finally getting what I believe is a proper diagnosis I can warn my family that I am in a hypo mania and the look in my eyes is neither personal or anything I can instantly change. BUT being able to label it (yes those horrible labels) makes me able to take a deep breath and ride out this wave as soon my mood will be better or switch to the other end of the spectrum and well we will have to just see… thank you hubby¬†for being supportive for all these years with my crazy ass¬†

February 7

$%^%%$#*&& And now we are on the other side of the pendelum of Bi Polar the depression ugh … I will chant… I will get better I will get better I will get better. Dear Lord that didn’t take long. I totally do have the rapid fire type. BLUCK
February 8

Today I am feeling better in my head. Tomorrow I increase my dose sorta getting nervous about that. we will see  Very tired today too not much motivation etc.
a few seconds ago

Woke up very early today. Gotta love it when people treat you like shit so early in the morning. Doesn’t make you feel too good about yourself.
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So this was in reference to my hubby. Duh what better way to express yourself then on FB??? I also sent him a fuck you text. He acted all concerned when I first got up then acted like I was pissing in his cereal. So yes my hypo mania is of course all riled up. This is the first time I don’t feel completely supported by him and it hurts my feelings. I keep telling myself I am taking it too personal and everyone has moods but damn it today I want to be treated with kid’s gloves and like a princess. But maybe he feels I want that all the time. I don’t know … I am fearful that now I am diagnosed he will think I use it as an excuse for bad behavior when I have been trying to ask for his help in it all.
UGH … I just want to pull out all my hair, throw up, and go back to sleep.

I don’t know what is worse the tantrums I can’t seem to stop, the over sensitivity, or the depression. MENTAL ILLNESS SUCKS ASS!
Ok rant over for now. Friday I promise a nicer post as hubby and I renewed our vows …. totally his idea… so yeah I am a shitty person for being pissy with him I am sure and I will regret it but Damn it he didn’t even tell me good bye … kiss me… or say he loved me this morning and he usually does. ¬†grrrr!

**** And as usual my normal Pimp my social media Diatribe!

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Something Different Insightful and Fun

If you are on facebook, then I am sure you have seen all kinds of tests to take. Today I took one that is your work type personality test.  It can be found here. 

I am the Spontaneous Idealist. Per the website and I quote….

Spontaneous Idealists are creative, lively and open-minded persons. They are humorous and dispose of a contagious zest for life. Their enthusiasm and sparkling energy inspires others and sweeps them along. They enjoy being together with other people and often have an uncanny intuition for their motivations and potential.

Spontaneous Idealists are masters of communication and very amusing and gifted entertainers. Fun and variety are guaranteed when they are around. However, they are sometimes somewhat too impulsive in dealing with others and can hurt people without really meaning to do so, due to their direct and sometimes critical nature.

This personality type is a keen and alert observer; they miss nothing which is going on around them. In extreme cases, they tend to be oversensitive and exaggeratedly alert and are inwardly always ready to jump. Life for them is an exciting drama full of emotionality. However, they quickly become bored when things repeat themselves and too much detailed work and care is required. Their creativity, their imaginativeness and their originality become most noticeable when developing new projects and ideas – they then leave the meticulous implementation of the whole to others. On the whole, Spontaneous Idealists attach great value to their inner and outward independence and do not like accepting a subordinate role. They therefore have problems with hierarchies and authorities.

If you have a Spontaneous Idealist as your friend, you will never be bored; with them, you can enjoy life to the full and celebrate the best parties. At the same time, they are warm, sensitive, attentive and always willing to help. If Spontaneous Idealists have just fallen in love, the sky is full of violins and their new partners are showered with attention and affection. This type then bubbles over with charm, tenderness and imagination. But, unfortunately, it soon becomes boring for them once the novelty has worn off. Boring everyday life in a partnership is not for them so that many Spontaneous Idealists slip from one affair into another. However, should the partner manage to keep their curiosity alive and not let routine and familiarity gain the upper hand, Spontaneous Idealists can be inspiring and loving partners.

Adjectives that describe your type
spontaneous, enthusiastic, idealistic, extroverted, theoretical, emotional, relaxed, friendly, optimistic, charming, helpful, independent, individualistic, creative, dynamic, lively, humorous, full of zest for life, imaginative, changeable, adaptable, loyal, sensitive, inspiring, sociable, communicative, erratic, curious, open, vulnerable

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I would agree with most of what is said above. I always think it is funny how a lot of these online free tests can be pretty accurate. Anyway just a fun insight into my personality to intersect with the gloom of mental illness. ūüėÄ

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Is the Fog Really Lifting?

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Only four days on my new med and my mind is calming. It is very surreal. I have barely touched my Klonopine. This is a severe change as I never ran out of it in the month BUT I was slowing using up all my as needed reserve just to calm myself through the day. I also find food wise (which was a horrible toxic coping mechanism I have) the feel and need to eat is there but less aggressive. That probably doesn’t make sense but I think what I am trying to say is it is no longer an automatic impulse. And when it does come through I seem to¬†be able to find better things to eat. Last night I felt the need/want to eat doritos. I decided to go with peanuts instead. And I didn’t over eat them and go to bed miserable. Hey any progress is freaking awesome!

Another thing I’ve noticed is when I say stupid things (and I do often) I feel the old hate myself and want to die whisper but just a nagging remnant of the illness wanting me to hate myself and care too much what others think of me. It is liberating to know with a higher dose and getting use to the new me/forgetting the old coping skills will have me NOT feel crazy.

It’s funny how I have been so great all these years at hiding it all in my head. No wonder it took so long for me to get diagnosed I don’t think I really let even my therapist in. IT wasn’t until I couldn’t keep it all in and it came leaking out that people started having no choice but to see it. Thus the saying above. Now that my mind is becoming quite I can hear the joy and hope rattling around in their. Two things I haven’t dared dream of for at least five years.

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Boy You Really Find Out Who Your Friends Are

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I told a select few about my diagnosis and how happy I am that I really feel I was diagnosed correctly.

The females were kind and understanding. The males were either meh or wanted to “lecture” me that Bi-polar is a generic favorite diagnosis now a days… like PTSD is or years ago schizophrenia was. Ummm… I get what is being said but it is very unsupportive when we are not for real friends like that. That is what I get for sharing with the wrong people but then again I don’t really feel men and women can be friends easily (once again another rant for another day) And well I don’t know what I expected.

Now you may ask why I would even tell people about my diagnosis well it was two fold. I want the support and I am not ashamed. I am relieved and probably in my Bi Polar mind I love the attention of it. It is way cooler to be bi polar then a sad gutless severe depressed suicidal person (Just to clarify I don’t think or that have that opinion of people but i said it more because I always feel that ¬†-personally – when I get suicidally depressed. Like that is what people are saying or thinking about me.) And let’s face it I can’t keep shit in. I am a fairly open book and too much which is why I get annoyed when I think about how long it took my psych doctor to diagnose me.

Anyway for the first time in my life — not even when my son got diagnosed with cancer or I was going through my separation — do I feel I can really tell who my “real” friends are versus ones who say they want to be or pretend to be. I am too old for fake shit! And I have my own issues to deal with I can’t add on someone else’s.

Ok so I just wanted to do an update and share my newest revelation. The new med is going well. The side effects are there but weird and not too scary. Manly nausea which I am going to live with because it’s not the end of the world to feel better and sadly I want the weight lose. Not standing to eat helps with that — duh right? Though the mental illness underlying and the years of emotionally coping with food are still there quietly saying you know you want to eat then the other voice goes no.. not really. It is so weird to actually feel real hunger.

Well I should go to bed as the headaches do suck and I need some rest anyway.

Please leave any comments or questions below :D

Please follow me on my social media sites. I  am on my beauty youtube channel, beauty blog, tumblr, twitter, FB, google+, personal blog, youtube vlog, and instagram.

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