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World mental health day-count your blessings

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I read an awesome post where the person (Blog link here) counted their blessings to stay positive. I am going to follow suit because in spite of my mental health I am functioning. Some days better than others but still 😀

I have three boys I’m raising. I love them so much.

A relationship where I am supported even if some days I don’t let him know the full me.

My parents though opinionated love me and again support me. 

I do have a job and now a job prospect as I got a chance at a second interview. 

I got chosen for the bipolar genetics study. Super excited. 

I have this community.

And I know more but that’s a decent list. Please share your positives on this world mental health day.

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Waiting

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Why do I get anxious waiting for therapy to begin? It doesn’t help that he’s always running behind. 

My dad was very blunt and said he didn’t think I could be successful in sales. But do what I want. I’m not sure how I feel about it. I respect his candidness but it sucks being told you’ll fail. They haven’t called me for a second interview so I don’t think I got picked anyway. 

I guess life will go on either way and today I’m thankful for that. 

Naysayers

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I think my job interview went well. It’s a two step process. I’ll know tomorrow if I get to go to the second interview. It’s completely commission based. 90% of me knows I can do this. The other ten percent is yelling loudly in my ear. Plus I don’t know if my parents will support it and frankly they financially help me a lot. So it matters. Keep sending positive clarifying thoughts. I need to know what to do. 

When life passes you by

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My life is passing me by and I feel sad. When I think about getting out of the house and doing things socially it gives me anxiety. Just another thing to worry about. I’d rather be sleeping. 

I had a fun dream last night. Why can’t we stay in la la land? I guess I should be happy I don’t get nightmares. Because then I’d never get a break. 

Fear

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I realize I’m so often full of fear. I think this is where my anxiety stems from. Fear of failure… Fear of rejection… Fear of life. I’m going to bring it up in therapy. I just don’t know where it comes from. But if I can diminish or overcome it I know my life will be better. 

Was doing good

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I was doing good until the end of my day. There was a work issue and now I’m obsessing. I’ve talked to my boss about it. It’s just not sitting well with me. I want to self medicate with alcohol but no money to buy any. It’s for the best. I’m thinking of taking an extra dose of klonopine but that’d probably be a bad idea too. I just want these thoughts out of my head. 😦 

I have a job interview Monday for a totally different field. I want to take it just on principal but I’m pretty sure it’s a commission job and well I need a steady income. I’m asking for thoughts and prayers for clarity again. 

Fifth day

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It’s the fifth day in a row for having a headache. I am still in good spirits for me so yay. My motivation today is a little out of wack. But maybe I’ll get there. I just feel meh. But that’s ok. I can handle that.