Well that fell flat

I didn’t chicken out and had the conversation with my boyfriend. It went better then i thought yet not the greatest. I’m sure we will talk more about it in the coming weeks. Ultimately i decided i don’t want to move. 1 there is a pandemic going on right now 2 i barely clean my

Hmmm should i?

There was no real drama with the ex stopping by… it was weird his girlfriend stayed in the truck the whole time which maybe isn’t weird as it’s not like we were going to sit and have coffee together but I’d be helping him with the boat not sitting waiting. Anyway i asked if he

Waiting

I’m currently on lunch break waiting for the ex to get his boat that has been sitting on my property since before the divorce. It always makes me anxious to deal with him and my fear he will come into the house uninvited and see the mess. I’m also anxious about work stuff. It’s been

Up and down

Ugh i am feeling less empty today. I appreciate you all and do consider you friends. This community has been good to me. I wish we could have a cup of coffee and enjoy each other’s company. I haven’t watched the news in a few days as this talk of covid and it not going

Empty

I’m pretty sure if it wasn’t for the psych meds telling my mind …. nothing to see here move along… I’d be in the hospital again. Should i be grateful? I feel empty inside yet full of regrets and self chiding I’ve upgraded from dead inside but only because the brain chatter is immense. How

Just trying

I’m just trying to get today over with. But it’s dragging. I feel on edge but not quite anxious. I’m so ready for the weekend. I’ve felt nauseous a lot and slight headaches but not full on sick just enough to be annoying. I am feeling like life is one shit fest day after another.

So what

I have a lot on my plate today and i just need to get through it. All i want to do is stay in bed today. So what if i let it all go to shit. But of course i won’t. If nothing else i try hard to give a shit. And sadly i do

So hold on

We are all unique and have value. I am cherishing that thought today. Many times I’ve been hopeless and it’s devastating. If you feel that way right now reading this… hold on. The tide will change and life will ebb and flow. You have value in this world. You are not alone.

Identity

So I’m reading atomic habits and it has me anxious. It’s an amazing book and I’m catching on I’m pretty sure. The thing is at its core is says to change your habits you need to change your beliefs and identify or how you identify with yourself. Don’t just be a someone who runs marathons

When past comes in dreams

I just had the most vivid dream that was a mix of perfection and torture. Why must we dream about the past and what can never be? And is best left in dark shadows? I wish i had that machine from the movie i think it’s called something like eternal sunshine of the spotless mind.