Im already ready for this day to be over. Im stressed here working from home. I want lunch but nothing sounds good. I just wanted to vent a little. Hope your isolation is working better then mine.
I can’t remember if i shared this saying or not either way it’s still applicable. Right now so much is out of our control how we proceed in getting even basic needs met. Our attitude is a lot of it. Today im trying to have a peaceful attitude. I think it’s working. I feel calmer and more prepared though it’s a moment by moment basis.
I need to remember this as i am scared and unsure. We are in new territory and i have a lot of worries.
So today im anxiety ridden. Im ashamed to say it but i just want to get the damn virus to get it over with. It’s the unknown that sucks. The will i get picked or am i anxious for nothing. I just feel so ineffective. I need a hug but you can’t even get those anymore. I want to just sleep until it’s all over. Wake up from this living nightmare.
I am blah today. I have done small things around the house but not enough. I feel lost. It’s not like i had a thriving social life but when you’re told to stay in the mind wants to revolt.
I read a post from another blogger about our civil liberties being crushed and we are willingly allowing it. The thing is this is new territory. I have a fairly healthy immune system but there are lots who don’t. It’s the same reason you vaccinate for others more than yourself. I may be niave but i feel life will go back to normal. I just can’t see it becoming a v for vendetta thing. Am i complacent though? I just don’t know.
It’s odd for me to be unable to sleep. But i lay here trying everything to stop my mind from ruminating. The tw iis because i want to talk about masterbation. I can not get myself to cum being alone. I still want and love sex but with myself i just can’t anymore. And not from lack of trying. I think it’s the meds though frankly I’ve never been able to rock my own socks off. Its frustrating to say the least and im laying here annoyed.
Plus i had a conversation with someone tonight about life. It led me to share a major regret in a previous relationship. I know it was toxic but at the same time i wonder if I’d done things differently how my life would be. Does he have the same regrets? I truly have this twisted idea he is my soul mate. And i haven’t talked to him in years.
Now that I’ve written all this down maybe i can get some sleep. That and with help of klonopin i finally decided to take. Nighty night.
This week actually went fast. It’s already the weekend. I will be working from home Monday Tuesday and Wednesday. I hope next week is also fast. I know we are supposed to not want time to go fast but im wanting life to go back to normal. But i wonder if it ever will. I’ll leave you with this meme today… i can so relate.