My day is busted

None of my clients are answering and I’m looking at a pile of shit (not literal) that needs picked up or organized and i don’t care. My psych dr can’t see me until March 8th and I’m waiting to see if i can get a medication bridge as I’m thinking I’ll be close to out.

I need to shower

I need to shower but i don’t want to. Is that a sign of depression? I think so. Though i am more restless and melancholy thanks to meds. I had a shit day at work … nothing to do then last two hours boom all my calls happened. Had to get my notes in and

Craving chaos

I sit here at my at home office desk finally clearing away the debris that has surrounded me and i feel naked. It makes me wonder if i crave chaos and clutter. It truly feels foreign to not have the junk on my work space. I fill my body with junk… my house with junk…

Restless

I am snowed in. I should be thankful i can work from home and for the most part i am. Still i am restless. I have so much cleaning i want to do yet my gumption is nil. I had a very haunting dream where i was curled on the floor crying in a psych

Here we go again

Another night of dreams that fell so achingly real when i wake up they leave me shattered for what was and what could have been. I tried to turn over and go back to sleep. It’s infected my waking mind so I’m up but not for long. I took anxiety meds and can feel the

Once again in my dreams

It appears the past ruminations i use to be thrown into anxiety over are showing up in my dreams. Once again last night i had past scenarios play out in my dreams. For the most part i have stopped mind fucking myself with what ifs of the past. It seems my dreams didn’t get the

Better day?

Still snowed iced in. Luckily i live in town so i think i could get to the store if needed. Still unmotivated but i saw this meme Could this be me? This is why i need to give grace to myself. I do think i often was in anxiety depression survival mode and now i

Existing

I can’t deal with life right now. I’m not depressed enough to sleep my life away yet I’m not motivated enough to care. It’s so frustrating. I just want to find some kind of balance. Actually i want to be free of the bullshit in my mind. It feels empty. I have so much to

Just not feeling it

I’m just not feeling it today. I’m not depressed or have negative thoughts. It’s more of the cold weather just doesn’t motivate me. I have so much to get done but no gumption. Life is meh right now. Will i ever get my motivation back? I just don’t know. I might have told a fib

Standing firmly

I’m standing firmly on the decision to not move at this time. My ex called me to explain himself further. I am proud that i actually explained reality back to him. That our middle son has been given opportunities to squander them away. That he has been encouraged pre covid to make a plan to