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Very accurate video please watch

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I feel this spoke to me especially how we are all different. If you struggle with perspective this might be a good watch.

D’oh

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When you thought you’d done a good deed then second guess it making your anxiety for the day right. It really sucks. I don’t know if I’m cut out for my job. But i need the insurance and security of it. I just don’t like myself right now. I want to be perfect and fit in. Sigh

8 years on wordpress

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I just got this reminder on here.

It hasn’t been eight years of this blog but another one i had started previously then deleted in what i can imagine was a manic phase while undiagnosed. I’m thinking though I’ve had this one at least five years. I don’t go looking through old posts (the thought gives me anxiety) otherwise i might be inclined to repost my very first one.

I am so appreciative of this community. It does amaze me how it fluctuates and people disappear and i wonder if they are ok or just lost interest like i posted about blogmas. It’s easy to get writers block sometimes especially when we set standards that are too perfect.

Anyway thank you all again and here’s to another eight years 🌈🎆🥂

Psa of sorts 😃

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I watch a YouTube channel about mental health frequently. Her name is dr. Tracey marks. She talked today about a calendar of self improvement she is selling on Amazon. It gives prompts to improve life throughout the year. Her example was February is about self love and it gives weekly ideas on how to improve that.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B07ZQPJ9JW/ref=ox_sc_act_image_1?smid=AO09FCCP8FBVO&psc=1 is the link to it and it’s not an affiliate link at all. Im totally getting one and am excited for it ☺️

What is believable

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It’s days like this i wonder if i even have a disorder or if I’m faking it. I feel good though not motivated but then maybe lazy is how i am at my”normal” and depressed. Though that’s not fair when depressed i can’t care to do. Right now i want to relish the good mood by being in the moment not doing chores 😃

Im thinking of my word of the year. I think I’ve got it chosen closer to the new year I’ll share.

I go to a second sleep study to get my cpap machine tonight so no nap for me though with my good mood im on with that. Im praying i get better sleep now maybe help with the depression i get way too often.

Anyway i try hard to seem normal nice to have a day i don’t have to try.

Praying you’re all enjoying your weekend.

Thanksgiving and bullshit

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First i have plenty to be thankful for… my children… family… a career… a roof over my head. Today i am not forgetting those things.

But on my mind is how do you drudge through the bullshit? The mental illness… knowing if someone is real and not full of shit. My thoughts are altered often as im needy yet i don’t believe the words said. My judgment can be off and with my maladaptive coping skills it’s not a good combination.

Still im in good spirits just restless and ill take that over depression anyday.

Something drastic

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I feel as if something drastic is going to happen. Maybe it’s just the week im having. I pray im wrong or that im not fulfilling some self sabotage thing.