Early morning rambles

My dreams last night were weird again. I don’t get why i can’t have dreams without some morning rumination about them. They are the same themes just different situations. It’s the weekend and I’m going to try real hard to clean the house and my room in particular. It’s a project that needs done for

Good morning

How is everyone? I’m doing ok. I’m ready for the weekend though. They have a yearly festival going on this week but it looks like the weather might not cooperate. I still feel odd inside not happy not sad nor anxious and not stable feeling. I feel like I’m doing more than existing though. So

What does i love you really mean

I dated for several months years ago a family friend i grew up with. It was long distance and frankly i was a mess mentally and he is an alcoholic. I love him dearly but i wasn’t in a place to peacefully go from on alcoholic relationship to another. I guess you really shouldn’t be

Haunting dream

My dreams last night might be a clue I’ve been watching too much true crime stuff. It has me rattled a little at my lack of caring in the dream… but it’s just a dream right… no rhyme or reason to it. I’m also still exhausted and not looking forward to today. So much on

Silly brain

I am a flake. It’s not even a mental illness thing. It’s a personality trait. I often forget to mention clients i plan to talk to or have talked to during my team meetings. Today a couple of Co workers kind of chuckled at me doing it… so if course my mind feels foolish. They

I don’t know what I’m doing

This work scheduling thing has really got me in overdrive. I don’t know what I’m doing. Or how to make it work. I know i need to figure it out but i just can’t get my mind around it. I had a chill weekend i even went hiking with a friend at work. Actually managed

My mom versus the ex

I’ve already had a cluster fuck morning. My mom got tiffy with me over car shopping with my son. Then i mentioned i was meeting the ex as he is giving our middle son a tv. She went off. Anytime his name is mentioned its a napalm balm. Ugh. So anxiety here i go because

Grrr

I don’t know if it’s the increase in latuda but my emotions have been all over the place. I had lots of anxiety last night after the happy masked feeling went away. I sit here before work not feeling much better. I feel like a fraud and unworthy of good things. I know rationally that’s

Weird mixed bag

I feel weird in my head. My latuda got increased so I’m not sure if it’s that or just me. The best way to describe it is this cloud of happiness over me masking anxiety. I don’t like the feeling as it feels fake. I do want to be “happy” but if it doesn’t feel

Today 040621

I woke up with full anxiety. I took klonopin right away it was so bad. Things settled down with the help of it and my day in general kicking off. I had a weird dream so not sure if it was that or something else. I’m starting to like my job… gasp i know …