Still here plugging along

Life has evened out a bit. I feel so busy with set hours and having to get off at five every night. I am thinking of starting a resin Etsy business and my fear of failing and just overall gumption is not having me really do it other then to freaking buy things for it.

Old thought patterns

I just can’t leave things well enough alone. I’m searching for something anything to feel alive and yet I know just living is enough right? Doing my best always trying to be a better me. Interacting with people and making friends comes with a lot of expectations I place on myself. I enjoy having the

Something is amiss

Things are going good on the surface of my life. My dads surgery went fabulous. He will most likely come home today. My relationship is there though I fell in this area something is off. Way off. Work is so promising. I am really liking my supervisor and I feel I can do this work.

Worries and fear

I am awake at 2 am which is super rare for me. I have this knot of work and despair to where I can’t sleep. My dad has major surgery Friday and due to new job I can’t be there for my mom. She will be alone if something happens to my dad. My dad

Welp my new journey awaits

Today I start my new job. I am 90% confident and 10% apprehensive. Every contact I’ve had with them has been wonderful so that’s a blessing. I am working on radical acceptance as suggested in a comment and thank you to all who commented in my last post. I am worthy. I know today will

When life piles up

I feel like a pile of shit. A coworker text me that I was being bad mouthed as a bad worker which I feel is not true. I’m taking it way too personal. I have quit for the toxic environment it was because I knew my worth. So why this anxiety and sadness? Why can’t

Well final day

This day can’t get over soon enough. This week has dragged on. I’ve decided to just play nice as really who cares. If I couldn’t make a difference while employed then how so I expect when leaving. There is nothing to gain. I remembered this morning not only did my bipolar sent me to my

Do you leave things unsaid

It’s 4:07 in the morning again. Just woke up from a horribly vivid dream and I’m angry. Life isn’t what it should be. I have two days left of this job. I’m debating on telling the lady off as to why I’m leaving. Then I think is it necessary? It’s a toxic environment and peoples

Seasons of life

I feel I’m in a season of life of maturity in a lot of ways. I finally see my value. I like not living with a partner. I like knowing who I am flawed and all. I struggle with certain areas still and might always. I have some acceptance but still strive to be better.

Sunday morning musings

This week for the most part has been perfect. I was on a staycation. And I didn’t get even close to what I wanted to accomplish BUT that’s ok. I made up for it in fuzzy warm feelings. My boyfriend has been here since Wednesday. My oldest was here two days and that meant other