Self sabotage

Meds are working as best they can.  I don’t feel depressed or without joy.  Yet as usual they are not a cure for bipolar.  Nor are they able to “fix” self sabotage or maladaptive thinking patterns.  I know I’ve been talking of change a lot.  I just want to use this good med cocktail toContinue reading “Self sabotage”

Hi anxiety my old frenemy

So today the anxiety is back. Work related and money related. I am trying not to take any medicine for it and breath work through it. I have a work ethical dilemma and no matter how i play it out it’s a lose lose situation. I just want people to do their jobs and notContinue reading “Hi anxiety my old frenemy”

A place for everything and everything in it’s place

I am very disorganized person. I’ve spent my last two days off doing small tasks here and there. Putting off large tasks. I feel a bit numb…. stagnant. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing yet i wonder if it’s a necessary thing. When you’ve been so depressed for months to feel meh is aContinue reading “A place for everything and everything in it’s place”

I woke up this way again

I’ve have slight paranoia about death again. I’m worried someone i love will die and I’ll be shattered. I just realized the doctor upped my Buspar so maybe that will help. Time will tell. Today I’ve only managed to put makeup on for fun as usual putting off what does need done. I plan onContinue reading “I woke up this way again”

What being stable means to me

Dare i say i feel stable? It’s a little intimidating to put it into a written thought. I know i should be formulating habits now to sustain me when I’m not so stable. It’s a work in progress. Stable to me is not wanting to die… feeling joy again… and seeing positive in things. OhContinue reading “What being stable means to me”

Positivity to the rescue

Welp… my car only cost me 140.00 as it started for them at the garage. I decided to have them take out the auto starter as it has given me issues for years. I’m happy i stayed positive and like the feeling. I am also trying to be realistic and know it can’t always beContinue reading “Positivity to the rescue”

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