Worries and fear

I am awake at 2 am which is super rare for me. I have this knot of work and despair to where I can’t sleep.

My dad has major surgery Friday and due to new job I can’t be there for my mom. She will be alone if something happens to my dad. My dad has been extremely depressed and I wonder if it’s just his own worries getting the best of him or if he “knows” something.

Also I haven’t heard from a friend all weekend who I’ve texted a lot lately back and forth. I take too many things personal or with the fear that I’ve done something wrong. But I can’t think what it might be. I know she’s going through a lot right now and then feel selfish I’m even worried.

Then I meet a new friend and she is very attentive in texting and being a vision of a best friend I like but can I sustain it or will I become dependent on it and it’ll disappear too?

These are all things I have no control over so why does my brain insist on looping with fear and worry? I have an easy day tomorrow at work since officially serving day and no one to train me. So it’ll be online videos and signing up for benefits. I need to charge my headphones and bring them.

I’m just sad with uncertainly. I don’t know how to cope with the actually having friends. It’s been so long since I’ve had attentive friends. I guess I’m scared it’ll go away or my mental health can’t sustain it.

7 thoughts on “Worries and fear

  1. These are the micro-moments God gives us to practice for that inevitable hour to come, so long as we learn to shed guilt over things we can’t control. Being there in spirit doesn’t feel the same as in person but there is very little difference when you can’t change the outcome. Trust, they not only understand but know your true preference and that is what makes the difference palatable.

      1. Awesome I’m really glad to hear that 😀. I was waiting for you to write a post about it but decided to just ask you. 😀 😉

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

bipolar surfing between mood waves

yes my mood swings a lot

Bipolar Rollercoaster

Come along for the ride!

A Daily Dose of Bipolar

This site is focused on sharing my experience with Bipolar Disorder and shedding light on mental health and wellness.

Bipolar and living southern

bipolar, mental health, coping, depression, and writing

Mental Health is Health

Sojourn through Bipolar Illness

Shristy Singh

Adding Creativity Through Brush...........

Ashley Spills

Encouraging introspection

The Waving Ocean

Wellness and peace

%d bloggers like this: