Today’s another mixed bag day

I am thankful for my support system. By boys are good to me in their own way. I was crying in my thighs yesterday and I was crying to my youngest how he deserves a normal mom. He was so caring and loving. My middle son who struggles the most with emotions and his own mental health tried to cheer me up his own less touchy Feely way. My mom came over and helped us clean the house which helped. She did the best she could to not be angry at the mess of the house and got it into shape in no time.

Today the suicide thoughts are gone. I am anxious as a co worker had a son die from a fentenyl overdose and had to come back to work. She posted on Facebook she didn’t know how to and for what we do for a living makes it worse I think. How can you help others who are stuck in their heads be motivated to get unstuck when you are in so much pain yourself? My head space pain is nothing in comparison. If course it’s like apples and oranges. Still I know the energy in the room will be difficult. And what do you say to bring comfort? I don’t think there is a right answer.

Life is hard for everyone. The more time passes I feel the harder it gets. Hope is for the young or maybe I mean more being capricious about hope. The fact is their is less time as I agree to live out dreams and do the things I wanted to do as a child or what I envisioned as a teen. I promise this isn’t a poor me post just a pensive one where I think it what I would like life to be at this age in a realistic way. The fact is the older I get the more I will know of people dying. Grief will find me. Already in the two weeks of this year it has happened too much to make me think this will be a great year BUT I can’t give up on it yet.

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