So tired of being a disappointment

I’m trying hard to get into conflict with my mom. Once again she has made me believe all the negative things about myself I hate or perceive.

I’m a bad mother with life kids.

I can’t handle money.

I am shit at house work and am lazy and fat.

I do want to tell her I’m sorry to be a disappointment but I don’t know if it’ll do anything constructive and will just paint me the unstable crazy person I’m stigmatized by. It’s so fucking frustrating when because you are diagnosed with a legit mental illness you are questioned when you have real feelings and it’s wise when you… yourself question it in you.

On top of all that I’m worried about a gift I sent a friend and if she’ll like it or get mad that it’s in poor taste. Her boyfriend died and I got her a necklace to help her grieve but what if I’m wrong in what her reaction might be?

Today is by far my worst mental health day in a long time. It’s been progressing all week and today it’s overwhelming. I want to be held while I cry my feelings out. But no one here to hold me and right now I can’t cry. Fucking meds!

7 thoughts on “So tired of being a disappointment

  1. sending so many cyber hugs from across the pond! I’m sorry your mom makes you feel like your a disappointment! I know that feeling, as my dad does that a lot! xoxo

  2. It’s difficult to hear negative statements from someone like your own parent. Try to dispute those negative statements and be kind to yourself. Don’t listen or believe them. Take deep breaths and imagine being in a happy place that gives you peace. Only you can make yourself happy. Practice self compassion and be gentle with yourself by giving yourself positive self affirmations such as “I am enough” and “there is no one better to be than myself.” One day at a time. Take care.

  3. You got this! I estranged myself from my parents this year. I thought it would be the hardest decision ever, but it turned out to be the healthiest decision i’ve made in 30 years. your happiness and place in life is important, too! ❤

  4. It does suck to have everyone question your motives and ideas based off of your diagnosis. Idk if that ever goes away because I don’t think the stigma ever will.

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