I’m trying hard to get into conflict with my mom. Once again she has made me believe all the negative things about myself I hate or perceive.
I’m a bad mother with life kids.
I can’t handle money.
I am shit at house work and am lazy and fat.
I do want to tell her I’m sorry to be a disappointment but I don’t know if it’ll do anything constructive and will just paint me the unstable crazy person I’m stigmatized by. It’s so fucking frustrating when because you are diagnosed with a legit mental illness you are questioned when you have real feelings and it’s wise when you… yourself question it in you.
On top of all that I’m worried about a gift I sent a friend and if she’ll like it or get mad that it’s in poor taste. Her boyfriend died and I got her a necklace to help her grieve but what if I’m wrong in what her reaction might be?
Today is by far my worst mental health day in a long time. It’s been progressing all week and today it’s overwhelming. I want to be held while I cry my feelings out. But no one here to hold me and right now I can’t cry. Fucking meds!