I have a person on my case list that came to my services about a year ago from a suicide attempt and hospital stay. He did amazingly well for 9 months then his ex wife who he never got over died. He stopped taking meds and then fell off from ever seeing me. I knew he needed the support but I can’t hunt down a person. It came time to renew his goals which allow me to be able to see him and during a weekly meeting my supervisor discharged him. During that meeting I did not answer a phone call. I checked it later and it was his brother saying he’d asked for help that morning only to refuse the hospital but erratic enough they put him in a fucking jail cell on a 96 hour hold to find a hospital bed for him.
I tried the week to get a hold of him while in the hospital but they wouldn’t talk to me. He got out last Tuesday saw me Wednesday and it was so heartbreaking. He is still in the throws of erratic psychosis and not the man I came to appreciate as a fighter. He wants such a better life and knows he isn’t well. He’s trying and I give him all the credit in the world.
I share a snippet of his story as I’ve spent the week wondering if anyone can be saved from the torment of mental illness. I am high functioning as much as I don’t like labeling that but really I guess I am. Still I struggle often to maintain that tenuous thread of reality. I so want to “save” him but I know that’s too much of a burden to put in myself. I still worry for him and want a great life for all my people. I know I need to guard my heart as his life is his own but I’m not sure how to.