My feelings are hurt and i don’t know what to do

I got this text at 521 am from my ex husband. I believe it stems from my not allowing our son to go on vacation because i can’t trust him to not drink and drive with the child. Also my youngest doesn’t want to go. So instead of putting the child in the middle i decided to be the bad guy and per the divorce decree its not his time with him. Here is the text…

I was at first devastated. And still a lot hurt. The majority of my adult life was a lie i told myself as well. He never kept a job was/is an alcoholic and looking back was very emotionally abusive. I at first felt so unlovable but my boyfriend, middle son who heard me crying through the door, and parents have told me they love me and my kind heart is easy to get to.

My oldest son can’t stand him wants nothing to do with him. My middle son who has been his favorite in the past is more forgiving and wants a relationship. My youngest could take him or leave him. I need to hold steady to the fact my children have a strong bond with me and love me. I have made mistakes but we are a close family. My heart wants to wilt and be wounded but i have to find the strength and courage to not let that happen. I do my best because i love my children enough to allow them to nurture their fathers relationship but the fact they don’t want to speaks volumes.

I’m trying my hardest to win the fight of not wanting to die because i fell my life was wasted. I know in my brain he’s not worth it but twenty years is a long time to waste on someone who says they never loved me. It breaks my heart.

Oh and the mental health stuff is bullshit. It’s a chemical imbalance that he couldn’t understand and being unmedicated the majority of the time and with my low self esteem…. i did the best i could. I always held a job to support us and have a good life. I think that’s something to recognize. I always strived to be better. Far from perfect but i did the best with what i knew.

14 thoughts on “My feelings are hurt and i don’t know what to do

  1. Gosh, that’s an awful thing for him to write to you. But I don’t believe that he didn’t love you at all during those twenty years, of course he did. He’s just saying that to hurt you. You certainly didn’t waste your life, you have wonderful children because of that relationship, and when it comes to it they choose you over him. Big hugs xxx

  2. I’m with Juliet. I don’t buy he didn’t love you for 20 years. He is angry and lashing out. Try not to give him the satisfaction of getting you down. You deserve better.

  3. Hi Angela. I was or am in the same, same situation here and understand well what you been through. My boys are my world what keeps me going. The other side is an alcoholic and blamed on my family as well and I couldn’t live a life of lies any longer. So we are not the problem they are. My sons sees now the truth and don’t want that for them. And I’m not going to interfere because all I did was for their best and to see the truth. So please to blame or be hard on yourself, you’re loved and is a strong person who deserves better ok. Thanks for sharing it means a lot to me knowing that I’m not alone. It’s hard to understand that is not a mental health problem but yes a life circumstances that we went through. YOU’RE AWESOME ^ God bless always for your words that’s why I like to follow and read.

  4. What really stood out for me was this: “I feel good about myself. I’m happy.” That’s not the kind of message that someone who was happy and felt good about themselves would send. It sounds more like s a petulant child saying to their parent “I don’t care that you won’t let me go to Johnny’s party. I didn’t want to go anyway, because I don’t even like Johnny. And I don’t like you either. So there!”

  5. I would go to court and have the rules changed on communication. No calls. Just texts. If they get abusive like this…report it. Emotional manipulation is evil. I hope you have a better day!

  6. What a piece of crap he is for this.

    Angela, know this…. hurt people hurt. If he felt that way, truly, he wouldn’t feel the need to hurt you.

    Either way you dodged a bullet. And a bully.

  7. While I do give him credit for exceptional comma usage, that’s like a third-grade level of gaslighting. He must hate himself so much and I bet he hates that he lost you and hates himself more for that than anything else. Until he learns to love himself and be truthful to your history, his life is a shell of what it could be. Don’t feel scorn towards him. Feel pity. He’s a mess.

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