Goals

I’ve been lucky to not have much negative thoughts in a few months other then that day last week. I do believe in this saying above to an extent. I do believe in a average regular day a few negative thoughts can be changed with positive thought etc.

But if you’re in the hard core throws of depression just a positive thought is near impossible as you belive the negative thoughts to your soul when if your brain knows otherwise. It’s painful and exhausting. I remember those moments which makes me more grateful to currently be doing so well.

Yet i always have a fear of when those times will come back. This is a life long disorder that often needs constant attention to stay in check. It’s not a weak soul that deals with it. It’s not a personal flaw. It just is what it is.

Today is a ok day. I have some negative thoughts of all the money i have wasted over the years. This is a reoccurring theme in me. I don’t know if I’ll ever “forgive” myself for being so not thrifty. I still struggle with wanting things. Sigh. I’ve been fairly productive today at the same time taking it easy. I have a dinner with Co workers tonight and am looking forward to it. I’m still having pains in my stomach but it’s not getting worse. Tuesday i go to the doctor so trying to hold on. I’m fatigued but not super exhausted so that’s nice.

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