I dated for several months years ago a family friend i grew up with. It was long distance and frankly i was a mess mentally and he is an alcoholic. I love him dearly but i wasn’t in a place to peacefully go from on alcoholic relationship to another. I guess you really shouldn’t be but i digress. A few months back i reached out to him on that dreaded Facebook ad we have mutual friends and he had gotten married after we broke up but is now divorced. I was healing from my trauma and by the time i was ready to be friends again i didn’t want to be dramatic in his marriage. Anyway… we would talk from time to time nothing serious. Some rehashing of the past and apologies that we didn’t work out.
Then Monday he reached out and we had a conversation. He tells me i love you. Huh what does that mean? We both are in relationships and I’m not unhappy etc. I tell him i love you too because frankly i will always love him but that the timing is off and frankly he’s still an alcoholic.
Anyway the point of me sharing this is it has me all jumbled up. I am in a space where i really don’t need validated love. My identity is no longer tied to being in a relationship even if i didn’t have one. But i want him in my life. We really do make great friends but I’m also of the opinion it’s hard to be just friends with the opposite sex … well for me personally it always has been. I just have this feeling of something between wanting more and knowing it’s a bad deal. It’s this weird love and numbness thing i feel. I can’t quite wrap my mind around it.