Got home two hours ago and ate some pizza then fell asleep. Woke up for a quick phone call to boyfriend to talk to him. He seemed aloof and cut the call short. I let him as cut it short as i don’t have the emotional where with all to find out why. So instead i sit here with anxiety as to why. I don’t understand people. I think he thinks i told Facebook with a vague post before him but i copy and pasted the texts that that wasn’t true. He said in a text earlier he wasn’t mad but i think he might be. Ugh i know i should have just asked instead of sit here speculating but ya know what i don’t feel like defending myself again. Ugh
Then there was another old friend who reached out yesterday to me and was like I’ll be there for you tomorrow and keep me updated then was not very communicative after all. Though i crave friendship it’s like it’s out worth it?
Ok so as far as my son we got non answers to what to do about the mass in his tonsil area. It’s wedged between his airway/ tonsil area, coratid artery and spine in a hard to get to area. He may need surgery to remove it or it may be an absess that will go away from having strep throat for a month last month. They want to take the mri images and consult with the team of radiologists on what to do. Since he’s eighteen they will call him on Thursday but that doesn’t work as he won’t understand or know what to do with the information. So they are suppose to coordinate a phone call where i can be there to. We will see. He has a primary care drs appt tomorrow morning to establish a non pediatrician dr and we will consult him on his thoughts as well. Maybe see if we can find someone closer than three hours away to figure it out.
I’m emotionally a mess with worry about life friendships and my son. I don’t have a very good support system other then my parents and it’s disheartening really. I just want someone who can put shit aside and lay next to me cuddle and say it’ll be alright. It doesn’t have to be someone sexual a good friend who loves me would be perfect as well. Sigh