Identity

So I’m reading atomic habits and it has me anxious. It’s an amazing book and I’m catching on I’m pretty sure.

The thing is at its core is says to change your habits you need to change your beliefs and identify or how you identify with yourself. Don’t just be a someone who runs marathons be a runner in general.

The crux is I’ve always identified as fat. My mom instilled this belief as a child to the point i would steal and hoard food to stay fat. About ten years ago i looked at a childhood picture and yes i was pudgy but not fat yet because this was ingrained to be my identity here i am at 44 morbidly obese.

This is a huge awakening for me. I so wish I’d realized this when i almost died from gastric bypass surgery. I maybe could have made real psychological changes BUT i can’t go back. I can only look forward.

The issue I’m running into currently is what identity is not fat? I don’t think skinny is the answer as i don’t know what that is. It’s changing my core belief in myself to healthy person be the identity? I’m so struggling with this that its got me slightly triggered into thinking it’s impossible which is leading to why exist? Damn it I’m going to figure it out though. Does anyone have insight by chance? You can dm me if you feel more comfortable at iaammyownisland@gmail.com

4 thoughts on “Identity

  1. Try to substitute the word fat for Healthy. Healthy is board enough term, because no matter what your weight or how you look you can be healthy. If you are making healthy changes, that is all that matters. It is all in the mind, which is difficult to change.

  2. Personally,I use the word fluffy. Makes me feel less like a lump of lard and more like a furry cat.

    My mom screwed me up with her belief that self confidence is the same as conceit. I can never take pride or cut myself slack because I think it is arrogance. I have been trying to undo it for years but still having both parental toxicities in my life really makes it challenging.

    You could start small by using ANY word but fat. Voluptuous,curvy,fluffy,buxom, rewire your brain’s bank of adjectives. After all,full bodied is a good thing when it comes to beer so why not adopt a few adjectives with a less negative ring?

  3. It seems like you’ve got a number of identities that aren’t size-specific, like being a mom, being a social worker, and being a mental illness warrior. You can be those things and be fat, or be those things and be not fat; either way, you’re still all of those things.

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