I am pensive tonight. Feeling a little lonely. I don’t have any friends to call and bullshit with. I tried one but she was busy and now I feel like a burden. But I shouldn’t I just asked if she was busy and she was. Ugh this is where being borderline really sucks.
As far as the title… It’s coming up on my year anniversary of being in the psych hospital. I feel like my life is so much better now then it was then. I still have hope something I lost during those dark weeks. I am in a happier relationship. My kids are happier. Life in general is good.
But there is that flip side that everyone with mental health issues has… The inconsistencies in mood and happiness. It eats at me and I feel I’m no better at coping with basic things then I was a year ago. I was suppose to find peace this year. Am I setting too high of expectations having that goal? Is it good to have goals when you struggle weekly with life? I want more but lack something to get it. But what is more? I think it’s that elusive happiness or maybe recovery people talk about. Is it possible?