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This isn’t good. I’m thinking of death this morning. Will people miss me… Will people come to my funeral… How will it happen… Will I see it coming? I’m going to stay busy and use distraction to counteract these dark thoughts. It’s so frustrating I love this holiday I should be enjoying it. But maybe it’s me. I need to take my thoughts by the reigns and turn them around… It’s that easy right (sarcasm) I can at least try to be more positive I do think that helps. 


7 thoughts on “Death

    Up and Down the Rabbit Hole said:
    July 4, 2017 at 8:11 am

    Sorry to hear you are struggling today just saw this on my feed and wanted to say hi. We all have days like these so I understand where you are coming from. Its easy to say ‘don’t dwell’ on it, but not so hard to do it, right ? I find the best way for me to deal with these types of thoughts is to understand that when we go, we will not know much about it, if its a disease, well there are brilliant doctors and nurses who will not see someone in pain and will not suffer as much as many years before as there are great pain relief up till the end of your life. If its sudden, then you will not know anything about it. Whom ever attends your funeral you won’t know about, so there is little point worrying about that one (easier said than done – so apologies if it sounded so flippant but if you can rationalise your thoughts, you may find it helps 😉 I am sure people will miss you. I am sure that just because people are busy, you are still in their thoughts, . Its funny because, even a local acquaintance can miss you because you smiled at them in the street or made their day brighter. So, try to focus on today, focus on something you enjoy, something that relaxes you and it pops you back into the moment, instead of being lost in your mind. Your mind is a powerful thing. You can teach it to stop going there. I tend to say NO (inside my head) when a thought that is not good for me and try to redirect my brain to something positive. Whether its the nice meal you will have in the evening or the duck you saw as you walked and how sweet he looked. These are examples and ways I have managed this and those thoughts do get less or lets say more of a background noise rather than a full on focus on negative stuff, its a habit we need to break x I hope this helps and please try to do something that makes you feel good. Going out somewhere may help you take your mind off of it ?

      socialworkerangela responded:
      July 4, 2017 at 9:43 am

      Thank you. I’m window shopping with my mom to get out of the house and fire works tonight so I’m hoping just staying busy helps… I struggle with isolating when depressed so it should

    GreenTea said:
    July 4, 2017 at 9:37 am

    I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety for years and I have thought about death before. I’ve thought of how much easier it would be at one time and have been completely terrified of not waking up in the morning another. Its finally starting to get under control but even when t was really bad what began to get me through those feelings was knowing that in a few days I’ll be happy again and I’ll wonder why I ever thought like that.

    I only just started reading your blog but do you know what causes your depression? Are you taking anything for it (and I don’t necessarily mean prescription stuff but vitamins and supplements)? Does it fluctuate or is it consistent?

      socialworkerangela responded:
      July 4, 2017 at 9:40 am

      I have bipolar so it fluctuates but it seems that my menstrual cycle is making it worse. I just started taking a b complex vitamin and omega 3 along with my meds. I also think work is a big trigger and right now it’s stressful. Thank you for taking the time to write back

        GreenTea said:
        July 4, 2017 at 9:53 am

        No problem! Mine centers around my cycle too. I’m not bipolar but I have really bad PMDD that actually stems from a heart murmur…I had issues leaving the house, I still can’t drive even though I’m in my 20s. It’s gotten alot better since I’ve gone on birth control because it helps level out my hormones all month but I’ve also been taking omega 3 and vitamin B since it started. I actually know a woman that has to get monthly injections of vitamin B to ward off depression but she says it really helps. Some other supplements I take are evening primrose and powdered magnesium. They both really help too if you want to research it.

    bethanyk said:
    July 4, 2017 at 12:15 pm

    It’s so hard waking up with those feelings. And trying to find positive things is effortful sometimes. I usually set at time of day 7-8 in the evening and that is when I go out to find something positive. I hope you are doing better

    manyofus1980 said:
    July 5, 2017 at 12:49 pm

    so sorry you were struggling i hope you were able to turn the thoughts around thinking of you hon xoxo

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