I took my klonopine and it helped. It made the negative thoughts of not being able to bear it go away thankfully. I got an appt Friday with the doctor so just got to get through this week. Ugh it’s only Tuesday.
Work is stressing me out my new boss is great but it’s a change and she operates differently then my old boss. I asked her about this big meeting coming up she said she was sworn to secrecy but that I wouldn’t like the changes. Wtf! I have to wait two weeks to find out what they are. Stupid job. Plus I’m overwhelmed in general so that doesn’t help.
I signed my divorce docs today. I feel like I should be more sad. I just feel anxious to have it over with.
Where did those days go where I felt care free? This disorder is worse then most. I know it probably messed up but I’d rather be physically chronically ill then mentally. Maybe I’m naive but I feel I’d be easier. To have your own mind in a fairly regular basis want you dead is devastating frankly. I feel like a ticking time bomb.
Still I sit here and write this and I’m better then a year ago. I have hope still… Not that I’ll be cured but that I’ll have another good day and I can use my skills better so I’m proud of that.