excuse the language

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I use to be a force to be recon with. I am a fragment of that person now. I gotta say that person wasn’t perfect but she loved herself and didn’t have all this worry and bullshit. Do I go off my meds to become her again? How do I weed out the self destructive her? The angry never thought of others her? Do I wait for my children to grow up and start over? I have seven more school years not to mention college for my youngest. I can’t be like this another seven years. But to be fair I’m better then I was a year ago so I need to give myself some credit. Still I want to shine. But I’m fearful with worry. I so need to unfuck myself. 

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10 thoughts on “excuse the language

    BipolarOnFire said:
    May 24, 2017 at 7:19 pm

    I need to unfuck myself too, Angela! I think a lot of us probably need to unfuck ourselves 😁

    BronxBiPolarChick said:
    May 24, 2017 at 7:20 pm

    omg that’s so similar to my debate with myself.. i want to be the way i was but i remember all the trouble i got myself into… its’ hard when you wanna be good but then there are time when you want to be bad too… sucks…

    szuback said:
    May 24, 2017 at 11:51 pm

    I was a badass in my day as well. I still put fear into everyone that knows me (which is most of the town). I’m currently on meds that make me a mellow, comedic individual. I have to admit that I’m happier now, but I think it was mostly growing up. I still haven’t gotten it. I want the family and the nice house, but in the depths of my mind, I want to party and fight and just be an animal again. I think that inner child of mine is the reason I can’t quite finish growing up. The meds are keeping it all dormant, but not refuting it’s existence. I feel your pain here.

    myblackdog said:
    May 25, 2017 at 1:42 am

    I need to unfuck myself too.. how on earth are we supposed to do that?! Haha

    Iggy said:
    May 25, 2017 at 5:58 am

    I feel ya on this, sister! It is amazing what a disease/disorder can do to change you from who you once were to who you are now. Be kind to yourself, and unfuck yourself bit by it, it is too frustrating to do it all at once. I’m here if you want/need support. xoxo

    Learning to Love My Demons said:
    May 26, 2017 at 2:57 pm

    Maybe you aren’t on the right combinations of medications. Your medications should help make you feel whole, not a shell

      socialworkerangela responded:
      May 26, 2017 at 2:59 pm

      I’m scared to try anything more as I was a zombie before

    bipolar-uninvited said:
    May 26, 2017 at 3:08 pm

    I like this. A lot.

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