failure

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I feel like a failure. I know I’ve mentioned it before but I don’t too often… That I had gastric bypass in 2008. I lost about two hundred pounds. It’s taken eight years to put the majority of that weight back on. I’m sitting at the hematology doctor for my yearly blood check up. Due to the surgery I don’t absorb iron. I have to get iron infusions usually once a year. This year he has a student doctor I had to go through my history with him and admit the gastric bypass was a failure. He was kind but I feel it… The judgement. I think I’m projecting as I judge myself in this matter. It’s not helping my state of mind. 

*edit to add… I wasn’t projecting. The doctor was very accusatory about my weight gain. He said I should see a gastric bypass specialist as to why. Then said up to my family doctor. I want to cry right now.

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14 thoughts on “failure

    Marilyn said:
    March 30, 2017 at 11:06 am

    I’m sorry. And fuck him. He doesn’t know shit about you. And I mean, neither do I. Also, eight years is a long time. From what I’ve seen from my best friend, binge eating is very serious and not something you can just get rid of by exercise, eating habit change, surgery, etc. (not that I know that’s what you have or anything) Also, at least you say you /feel/ like a failure and not that you say you /are/ a failure. #brightside ?

      socialworkerangela responded:
      March 30, 2017 at 11:45 am

      I am diagnosed with binge eating. He wanted me to explain why I let my weight get so bad. I was like I don’t know I’m in therapy for it. And your right I said feels like. That is a positive

    laurelwolfelives said:
    March 30, 2017 at 11:51 am

    These “doctors” work for you! Your insurance premiums pay their salary. Don’t let them treat you like a piece of meat somebody dropped in a chair.
    They’re not better than you. I doubt they’re smarter than you…or more educated than you.
    I have literally had to look at some snot-nosed doctor and say “put your fucking cell phone down and pay attention to what I’m saying.”
    I’ve seen the “judgment” look…for the opposite reason. I’ve had them ask me if I’m trying to starve myself to death. Sure, doc. That’s exactly what I’m doing. It couldn’t be that I’m so fucking depressed, I can’t eat….but you go ahead and sneer at me, take a few notes and talk about me after I leave your office….and by all means….make it MY fault.
    DO NOT let these ass wipes (or anybody else) talk down to you.

      socialworkerangela responded:
      March 30, 2017 at 1:24 pm

      Your right of course but it’s hard for me to be that assertive as I think I see them as authority.

        laurelwolfelives said:
        March 30, 2017 at 2:02 pm

        I know what you mean. It took me a long time to “stand up for myself.” They’re just people…and they’re not always right. Sigh.

        socialworkerangela responded:
        March 30, 2017 at 2:13 pm

        Thank you I’m working on being more assertive I need to not take it personal. I think having the Dr’s intern just made it worse as you know they discussed it before him bringing it up

        laurelwolfelives said:
        March 30, 2017 at 4:17 pm

        I know. Just be determined. ūüėė

    yourenotaloneinthisworld said:
    March 30, 2017 at 1:52 pm

    It pisses me off when doctors give their two cents about a mental disorder. I understand they go to school for years about the “issues” we suffer from, but they have no idea what they’re really dealing with. They have no idea what it is like to suffer with any mental disability. Binge eating is a real “disability” and you should be treated no different than a cancer pateint coming in about kemo. I’m sorry you got treated like this, some doctors just don’t udnerstand the pain they can cause others by just a few words. keep your head up high, it’ll all work out sooner than later.

    Iggy said:
    March 30, 2017 at 7:39 pm

    This kind of crap infuriates me. I feel for you. Please do NOT let that jackass get under your skin. Weight is an issue with most bipolar patients. I lost about 20 pounds when I first started Latuda. My GP was happy, my respiratory therapist kept telling me to lose weight. I’m like “Dude, every time I come here, I weigh less!” I think some of these doctors need to take care of how they talk to their patients about weight/weight gain. I wonder how many people have eating disorders because their doctor told them they were too heavy. I also have a slow thyroid, so cards are stacked against me. Just please be kind to yourself. ***hugs*** By the way, I gained all the weight back that I lost. I know when I go in to see my GP she is going to ask what happened. I gotta try and lose some before I go back in.

      socialworkerangela responded:
      March 30, 2017 at 10:06 pm

      The thing is I’m sure due to stigma I don’t have a”good” excuse but really between the meds depression binge eating it just happened. Sigh

        Iggy said:
        March 31, 2017 at 5:46 am

        I completely get it. I know it can be disconcerting, but try not to let it get you too down.

    manyofus1980 said:
    April 17, 2017 at 3:46 am

    oh i am so sorry hon. it is hard to go through that kinda surgery. I’m sure there were a lot of factors at play. Dont be too hard on yourself. xx

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