I’m here…Trying to not make poor choices. I want to be self destructive but instead I play the everything is good game. I’m happy I’m motivated I’m smiling can’t you see? While inside I’m seething with anger and self hatred. I have an hour and a half left at work to fake it then I have to fake it for my kids. I am not a cutter due to my fear of blood but I want to cut my wrists and watch them bleed. Thankfully I do have that fear. But then again I’d have that sweet release. Food isn’t even doing it anymore with the meds I’m on damn topomax. So for now I’m taking it moment by moment breathing through it and living in the emotion. It will pass.