I’m here

Posted on

****trigger warning
I’m here…Trying to not make poor choices. I want to be self destructive but instead I play the everything is good game. I’m happy I’m motivated I’m smiling can’t you see? While inside I’m seething with anger and self hatred. I have an hour and a half left at work to fake it then I have to fake it for my kids. I am not a cutter due to my fear of blood but I want to cut my wrists and watch them bleed. Thankfully I do have that fear. But then again I’d have that sweet release. Food isn’t even doing it anymore with the meds I’m on damn topomax. So for now I’m taking it moment by moment breathing through it and living in the emotion. It will pass.

Advertisements

12 thoughts on “I’m here

    monlvz said:
    March 13, 2017 at 4:23 pm

    Are you feeling at least a little better than before? I was on topomax to help with the binging but it didn’t really help, and it didn’t even make me feel better.

    Thinking of you!

      socialworkerangela responded:
      March 13, 2017 at 7:41 pm

      I feel it helps with the binge eating to a certain extent. I don’t know about moods though

    bluejewelette said:
    March 13, 2017 at 5:14 pm

    Praying you feel better. 🌷

    Working on wiser said:
    March 13, 2017 at 5:24 pm

    *hugs* any more communication with your parents ?

      socialworkerangela responded:
      March 13, 2017 at 7:40 pm

      I just had dinner with them but pretended everything was ok

    Lively Life said:
    March 13, 2017 at 7:03 pm

    oh boy. big hugaloo

    Miranda said:
    March 13, 2017 at 7:55 pm

    Hugs hun, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Gotta keep the faith! I hope you’re feeling better now. If all else fails, take a long hot shower. That’s what help me, I get out of the shower lobster red because I have the water so hot!

      socialworkerangela responded:
      March 13, 2017 at 8:08 pm

      I just posted that I kept some light and am feeling better thank you for taking the time to comment.

        Miranda said:
        March 13, 2017 at 8:11 pm

        Oh, no problem. That’s great to hear! I know all too well what its like to want to do bad things. Best of luck to you!

    manyofus1980 said:
    March 13, 2017 at 9:07 pm

    It will pass. It sure will. I know it doesnt feel like it now though. Keep breatheing. You can do this. Cheering you on. ❤ xoxo

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s