mixed state

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Now I feel like I’m in a mixed state. I feel like spending money and shopping and cleaning and doing nothing all together. I know it’s not the bipolar as those moods aren’t so quick but this stupid borderline personality disorder I have. I’m trying so hard to not be my illness but some days that’s hard. This afternoon is hard to not be bpd. I just want out of this house but I’ve got kiddos to watch. I have no one to go see or do anything with anyway. 

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9 thoughts on “mixed state

    BorderlinePersonality-LearningToFly said:
    July 10, 2016 at 7:39 am

    Today I hate being BPD too. I was really looking forward to spending time with my lover and then when I was with him had a huge mood swing and was really horrible to him. I can´t seem to see past the emotion and all my logic flies out of the window such as how he will feel and how I will feel later when I then suffer abandonment fears for having pushed him so hard.

      socialworkerangela responded:
      July 10, 2016 at 8:14 am

      Hugs i know before meds I would say the most hateful things. I know your med free but for me they have helped

        BorderlinePersonality-LearningToFly said:
        July 11, 2016 at 12:59 am

        I think I am so against meds (for me personally not others) because I beat severe drug addictions in the past. I also adopted this really holistic lifestyle and really want to give Mindfulness a chance and my DBT before taking meds. I also worry about taking them because so many I talk to do so and say they don´t feel better. I am glad they helped you though.

        socialworkerangela responded:
        July 11, 2016 at 6:25 am

        I totally get it. Each person’s journey is different. I have a love hate relationship with my meds. I wish I could have the discipline to be holistic.

        BorderlinePersonality-LearningToFly said:
        July 11, 2016 at 7:10 am

        My journey brought me to being holistic. I only got diagnosed 6 months ago but have been worling all of my eldest daughter´s lifetime on myself. SOmetimes I wonder would life have been different had they diagnosed me far earlier but then I think I would have gone straight on to meds. Although I suffer a lot emotionally now I also have great things in my life. Polar opposites haha just like how by brain likes to work.

    laurelwolfelives said:
    July 10, 2016 at 8:55 am

    I feel for you. Maybe, later…do some more blogging. Just write what you are feeling…or not feeling. Try to stay strong.

    stuffthatneedssaying said:
    July 10, 2016 at 10:12 am

    When my mood shifts that rapidly it’s usually the BPD, but right now I’m struggling with very rapid cycling with my bipolar. It’s just different somehow. Like if I’d been happy the other day and enjoying my life, it would be just a positive upswing with the BPD, in reaction to life being good. Instead, I was laughing uncontrollably at everything and while giggling over something for a while feels good, this did not. I felt out of control.

      socialworkerangela responded:
      July 10, 2016 at 10:26 am

      When you have both it’s hard at least for me to know which is which

    Claudia Tress said:
    October 13, 2016 at 10:57 pm

    I know how you feel 😦 ❤

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