triggered all to hell

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I went window shopping with my mom and two aunts that are visiting. First my mom makes a stink about my younger two being home alone. They are fourteen and nine and it’s one in the afternoon. She makes me paranoid something is going to happen.

Then she has me drive but back seat drives the whole way.

Then she sees some jewellery and a bracelet that says crazy. She tells me I should buy it since I want a tattoo to represent my crazy. It would be cheaper.

Then we go into a shop where I found the poise of my dreams only to see it’s 360 dollars. Something I can never afford but I freaking want it bad now. 

So I’m anxious and triggered! I can’t win today. I’m going to try and take a nap. Maybe sleep will make me feel better.


6 thoughts on “triggered all to hell

    myambivalentexistence said:
    July 5, 2016 at 7:01 pm

    Don’t let her make you feel bad about the kids. You know if yours are responsible enough to be left home alone and it’s none of her business. My thirteen year old babysits his five year old brother every week and does a good job. The comment about the jewelry was just insensitive , I mean really wtf. Your tattoo idea is meaningful , it isn’t tattooing “crazy” on yourself. And it’s for yourself not others. You aren’t broadcasting “crazy”. Grrrr. I don’t know your mom , but I’m kind of irritated at her now.

      socialworkerangela responded:
      July 5, 2016 at 7:05 pm

      I grew up with constant criticism I think that’s why I have borderline personality disorder I’m not into blaming parents for bad behavior but I do think the conditioned me to self loath and criticize that is hard to re wire

        myambivalentexistence said:
        July 5, 2016 at 7:07 pm

        My family was the same way , I think that’s where I get my negative internal monologue.

    Iggy said:
    July 5, 2016 at 8:27 pm

    I hope the nap helped.

    manyofus1980 said:
    July 7, 2016 at 9:37 am

    ug it sounds awful I hate being triggered, sending you lots of hugs, I hope the nap helped. xxx

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