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I spent last night in reflection about my recent suicidal ideation struggle. I realized I focus on being bipolar but I think it’s under control now with medication. I don’t get months of depression or manic high. I now get bursts of different emotions I think that’s my borderline personality disorder. Meds don’t usually help that at least that’s my understanding. Here I thought maybe I was diagnosed wrong but last night I realized I probably do have both. Fml! I need to really focus on my recovery from that rather then the bipolar. I need to develop better coping skills somehow. I know I try things like meditation and mindfulness but they don’t always work. I see my therapist next week and I’m going to bring it up.


10 thoughts on “Realization

    leleharris said:
    June 17, 2016 at 6:38 pm

    You probably have both sides of mania and depression put together, which probably leads to having normal moods. You have to find out which more of what side you are on the mania or depression?
    Even though bipolar may sound bad you can get through this. Bipolar is more of what they call manic-depressive illness. If the medications seems to not be working talk to your health-care provider about side effects, it might just be the cause of some of your behavior.
    Be sure to let he or she know everything you do during the day and how you feel. Try keeping a journal or diary to help your thoughts and read over them when you get to the point of showing your doctor.
    Keep the faith and don’t give up. God will not let anything bad happen to you. You just have to trust him and most importantly trust yourself. You got this!
    Stay Blessed & Stay Encouraged πŸŒΈπŸ˜ƒ

      socialworkerangela responded:
      June 17, 2016 at 6:41 pm

      Thank you… I will let him know

        leleharris said:
        June 17, 2016 at 6:43 pm

        You are so welcome.

    wonderme12 said:
    June 17, 2016 at 8:00 pm

    I understand how you’re feeling – instead of focusing on what the diagnosis may be though (whether bipolar or borderline) maybe just focus on the feelings that are illicited? I know before I was diagnosed I did tons of research on my own to figure out what the deal was – I would self diagnose then try the remedies assigned and if they didn’t work out is be more frustrated and disappointed than before, causing a vicious cycle. As the previous poster said, be candid and honest with your Doctor and hopefully he can beat guide you Xo

      socialworkerangela responded:
      June 17, 2016 at 9:08 pm

      Great point… The take away I took was I can’t let any diagnosis define me… Right?

    Crystal Empath said:
    June 18, 2016 at 1:29 pm

    I do agree with both commenters here and especially, believe your last comment to be the key aspect to focus on.
    Tools to help yourself manage are most important and in doing as they both suggested, your therapist may be able to help you cope. Honesty (and recall – hence the diary being so beneficial) is key to her understanding your issues.

    Crystal Empath said:
    June 18, 2016 at 1:41 pm

    If you need this at any point in the future for some further information. I have found it helped others I know and their loved ones and professionals.

    If at any point in the future you feel you’d like to seek some further understanding of BPD, talk to your therapist about this book and have a look on amazon for description and reviews. It is really well acknowledged as a great tool with psychology professionals and their patients and families, friends etc. For over 20 years, as the go to book for BPD and contains valid up to date research.

    (The Book) I hate you. Don’t leave me. By Jerold. J. Kreisman, MD, and Hai Straus.
    (Understanding the borderline personality) updated and revised version.

      socialworkerangela responded:
      June 18, 2016 at 1:42 pm

      Thank you I will check it out

        Crystal Empath said:
        June 18, 2016 at 1:43 pm

        Great!…hope it helps…baby steps…a moment at a time ❀

    Crystal Empath said:
    June 18, 2016 at 1:43 pm

    Sorry for the repetition…I started writing and had to come back to it and didn’t reread it

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